


Earth's Weaknesses: Part One

by WaitingForMyHogwartsLetter



Series: Earth's Weaknesses: The 100 [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Badass, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Injury, Original Character(s), Original Character-centric, POV Original Character, Slow Burn, The 100 (TV) Season 1, Unresolved Sexual Tension, first chapter is just the prologue, not gonna lie the whole thing is basically a slowburn for bellamy x oc, sort of canon compliant, sort of not canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:08:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23894329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaitingForMyHogwartsLetter/pseuds/WaitingForMyHogwartsLetter
Summary: Part 1 of 7Set during season 1 of The 100. Alyssa has spent three years in the skybox, and now she has been sent to the earth along with 99 others (and a stowaway Bellamy Blake) to see if earth is survivable.Some of the people in the skybox are petty thieves, others were there for assault. Only a few were there for murder. Alyssa is one of them.Will they survive?
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Original Female Character(s), Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Finn Collins/Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Series: Earth's Weaknesses: The 100 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1722190
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	1. Prologue

My name is Alyssa Jones. I have been in the Skybox for three years. I am not eighteen yet, so I am still alive, but it is only a matter of time before I get reviewed and floated. There’s no hope of being released back into the Ark’s population. I have four months. Four months until I die. It’s a little dramatic, when I say it like that… but it’s all I have. If there isn’t something, _or someone_ , to keep you sane, for me it’s counting, you die anyway.

The sound of a key in the door jarred me from my thoughts and I turned around, watching as two armed men entered my cell. “Prisoner 2-8-7, face the wall.” 

I turned back around. This isn’t the rule, but sooner rather than later, I guess. Better than waiting. “You do know I’ve got another four months until my birthday, right? So really, _you shouldn’t have_. But I appreciate the effort.”

They grabbed a metal cuff and I winced as they clasped it around my wrist, the sharp prongs inside of it for some unknown reason digging into my arm as it snapped shut. “Assholes! Could’ve warned me…” I rubbed my wrist as the guard raised an eyebrow at me. “Go float yourself,” I shot at him.

“If you act like that, you’ll never find out what’s happening.” He smirked, “And trust me, you’ll want to know.”

I scoffed, “And what is that?”

“You’re going to the ground.”

  
  



	2. Just Visiting

I remember being led to the dropship, but it was mostly a blur. My mind could barely contain the thoughts that were running through it. The ground? After all this time, they were sending the hundred to _earth_ ? It wasn’t supposed to be inhabitable again for… —I tracked the numbers in my mind, giving up quicker than I could properly start— for a hell of a long time. _Way_ after I’m supposed to be long gone. But that’s just how it is on the Ark. 

Everything is about survival.

I looked around, the kid next to me reached up and adjusted the goggles perched on his head as they began to rise upwards. He secured them down before sticking out a hand, which he changed to a mock salute before I could shake it. “Jasper.”

“Good to know. I’m Alyssa. I’m also taking bets— how long do you think we’ll survive down there? Two minutes? I’m thinking about three days at most.”

He laughed, “Who cares? We’re gonna be down here, they’re stuck up there, and even if we die at least we’ve been here.” Jasper shrugged. “Might as well tick a few things off the ol’ bucket list.”

It was my turn to laugh. He was actually kind of right. Jasper made a good point. Before he could make any others, Chancellor Jaha’s voice rang out across the screen. 

“Prisoners of The Ark, hear me now. You've been given a second chance, and as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you, but a chance for all of us, indeed for mankind itself. We have no idea what is waiting for you down there. If the odds of survival were better, we would've sent others. Frankly, we're sending you because your crimes have made you expendable.” 

Someone else called out from the upper level, “Your dad is a dick, Wells.”

Jaha, more like _jackass._ Although it’s not like I didn’t deserve to be here. I’d made more than my fair share of screwups. I barely realised that I’d said it out loud, albeit quietly. No one seemed to hear but Jasper, and he gave it away by laughing and whispering ‘jackass’ to himself. 

I listened more closely to the people upstairs, ignoring Jaha. Looking down, I judged the clothes I was wearing. The boots were sturdy, the jacket not waterproof, but waterproof _enough_. Not that it would matter anyway, if there was radiation out there we’d die instantly, no point in preventing hypothermia if you’re already dead.

The ship jolted and I was thrown backwards in my seat. “The fuck?” I looked around, everyone else was holding on for dear life. Either we were landing, or something was going very, _very_ wrong. 

There was a loud crash, and suddenly everything went silent. I looked up, everyone seemed to be thinking the same thing. “Listen,” I heard the boy on the other side of Jasper whisper. “No machine hum.”

“Whoa. That’s a first.” Jasper nodded, reaching to unclip his seatbelt along with everyone else. I did the same, falling forwards on numb legs as soon as I tried to stand. As soon as the pins and needles evaporated, I pushed off and stood up for real, watching everyone crowd towards the doors.

Someone was standing in front of them, in a guards uniform. That couldn’t be right, there’s no way they’d have sent someone from the guard down with us. “Hey, just back it up guys. And if the air is toxic, we’re all dead anyway.” He stood in front of the door, looking around before another girl who looked like him descended the ladder and ran towards him. 

“Bellamy?” 

Ah, I thought to myself. Not a guard then. I watched the reunion, still keeping an eye on the door behind them. That was Octavia Blake, the girl they found hidden in the floor. There’s a reason you’re only allowed one child on the Ark, it’s a drain on resources. That’s why their mother got floated, I think. The door opened behind them, and Octavia walked out on the ramp towards the ground. She let out a deep breath, before grinning and stepping onto the Earth. She didn’t die, and that was clearly considered a victory because she screamed out “WE’RE BACK BITCHES!” And soon, everyone else was pushing past her to get onto the ground. 

_We’re on the ground._

_Holy shit, we’re on the ground._

I took a step, my feet landing firmly on the ground and kicking up a bit of dirt as I tilted my head back to look at the trees above us. _We actually did it._ Well, this isn’t something I ever thought I’d see. Taking a few steady but cautious steps, I walked around to the side of the dropship, taking in the view of the mountains next to a blonde girl who held up a map to the light, before lowering it and running a hand through her hair in disbelief.

“What’s up?” I asked, curious.

She folded her arms across her chest. “Do you see that peak over there?”

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“Mount Weather. There’s a radiation-soaked forest between us and our next meal. They dropped us on the wrong damn mountain.” She grimaced.

Raising an eyebrow, I replied “Considering I didn’t think we’d survive the landing, or being on the ground more than two seconds, I’d say we’re doing pretty well. But I see the point, I’m Alyssa.”

“Clarke Griffin.”

~

We were on earth. I couldn’t help taking a little walk through the trees, running my hand through the hopefully non-murderous leaves. When I got back, sure enough the area around the dropship had descended into chaos. Something tugged the back of my mind, a book about kids on an island, madness, cannibalism, and something to do with a pig’s head. If it were anything like this, we’d all die, _slowly_. 

I watched another kid— might be Finn, the spacewalker— step in between a now limping Wells and a kid who’s name I think might have been Murphy. The fight dissipated along with the crowd and I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on the nearby conversation between the two Blake siblings. “I did something, okay, to get on the dropship,” Bellamy hissed. “Something they will kill me for when they come down.” 

Well, well, well. So much for being cleared of all charges. Then again, he did sneak on. But some of our crimes aren’t as low-ranking as theft. By the time the people from the Ark come down, _if they ever do_ , I’ll be eighteen. That means some of us are more liable to be prosecuted than others. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a group of four speaking in hushed whispers, and when Octavia joined them Bellamy looked as if he might explode. The electronic wristband itched, and I resisted the urge to pry it off there and then using whatever I could find as I walked towards the small group. “Where are you going?” 

“Mount Weather, we’re going to get supplies,” Clarke answered.

I shrugged, “Good plan. I’d come, but… someone with an actual brain needs to make sure these idiots don’t die.” 

Finn laughed, “Even better plan.” 

It wasn’t long before they did descend into the aforementioned madness, minus the cannibalism. Someone seemed to think it was a good idea to start prying off the wristbands, and however much people like Wells Jaha objected, _what if we didn’t want them to come?_ They wouldn’t come if they thought we were dead, so it was solid. I cut the line, standing in front of Murphy. 

“Do it.” 

“Someone’s eager,” he raised an eyebrow.

I held out my wrist. “ _Someone_ doesn’t want to be found if they do decide to come to the ground.” 

Murphy laughed, “Fair.” 

He pried the wristband off and let it fall into the fire, I winced but didn’t make a sound. Once he was done, I nodded and sat down on the edge of the dropship. Something wet hit my head, and I didn’t register at first until it rolled down my face and reached my lips. _Rain._ The thunder crashed and people began to celebrate, chanting “ _Whatever the hell we want_ ” as the rain got heavier and soaked them through. 

Whatever the hell we want, I thought. Life on the ark… ‘whatever the hell we want’ was a foreign concept, but here? It’s happening, people are actually doing _whatever the hell they want_. There’s a good chance that could get them killed, but something told me that they believed it would be worth it.


	3. Earth Skills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You call this a rescue mission?"

I must have dozed off, but when I woke up it looked as if all hell was about to break loose. Cursing to myself, I stood up and walked over to the commotion. “The hell is going on over here?” 

“Where’s the food? What the hell happened out there?” Bellamy cut in, moving me out of the circle. I rolled my eyes and walked around to the other side, doing a mental headcount.

“We were attacked.” Clarke looked around, “Everything we thought we knew about the ground is wrong. There are people here, survivors.”

When they left, it was Clarke, Finn, Jasper, Monty and Octavia. When they got back… “Where’s Jasper?” Everyone went silent, only for me to be backed up by Wells.

“Yeah, where’s the kid with the goggles?” 

Clarke took a deep breath, “Jasper was hit. The Grounders took him.” 

“What do we do now?” Monty breathed, “Jasper’s my best friend.” 

Folding my arms, I nodded at Clarke. “Now we go after Jasper.” 

She looked around, “Any volunteers?” 

“Me.” I looked at him, “And Blake. He has a gun.” 

Bellamy raised an eyebrow, “And why would I do that?” 

“Because you want them to follow you, and right now, they’re thinking only one of us is scared.” Clarke folded her arms before walking over to the dropship and packing supplies. 

Within the hour, we were retracing their steps back to where Jasper disappeared.

Bellamy slowed down, “What’s the rush? You don’t survive a spear through the heart.” He grabbed Clarke’s wrist. “As soon as you take this wristband off, we can go.”

I scoffed, “It wasn’t through his heart. Are you scared, Blake? Is that why you’re stalling?”

“You call this a rescue party? Got to split up, cover more ground. Clarke, come with me.” Finn appeared to lead her away and I had to suppress the urge to laugh. We’re never going to survive out here if those two keep bickering. 

I eyed Murphy and Bellamy. “Guess you guys are stuck with me then.” 

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Bellamy asked, smirking. 

“Depends how much of an asshat you are,” I smiled, ignoring his slight scowl. 

About to take another step forward, I stopped holding out my arm to the side which Murphy stopped behind, clearly unimpressed. “Did you hear that?” The sound rang out again, a moaning sound. _Jasper_. “Shit.” 

My first thought was to run to him but as soon as I tried something held me back. I turned around to see Bellamy holding onto the back of my jacket. “Careful. Go in there all guns blazing and they’ll know we’re here.”

I scoffed, “Weird expression to use considering you’re the only one here with a gun.” 

Clarke appeared through the trees with Finn close behind her and we followed them towards a clearing where the sound had been coming from. There was a large tree, bare except for strands of moss that littered it haphazardly. Jasper was strung up, groaning and bloody, his legs and arm tied to two of the strongest branches. 

Bellamy pulled out the gun, “What the hell is this?” He muttered, looking around. 

The first towards Jasper was Clarke, who walked quickly and not very carefully towards the tree. The only warning was a creaking of branches as she slipped into the trap, dangling, only holding onto Bellamy’s wrist. He grabbed her amidst the calls of “Pull her up!” from the other boys, his eyes lingering on her wristband for a moment before giving in and pulling her out of the hole and out of the way of the sharp spears below. 

Without much upper body strength, the others were better off helping Clarke. I watched them, keeping a particular eye on the gun shoved down the back of Bellamy’s waistband. During the commotion, I watched the gun move from its place there as Wells grabbed it, sliding it out unnoticed by everyone except for me. 

Finn began to climb the tree to rescue Jasper, and I turned around. _Rustling_. Grounders? 

No. Not Grounders. Worse. The big cat lunged and Clarke called out, “Bellamy! Gun!” He reached for it and found nothing in its place as a shot rang out from Wells. Miss. One more and he hit it in the leg, but it wasted no time before it lunged again. Bellamy had just enough time to roll out the way as I snatched the gun from Wells and aimed it. Two shots, and it went down. Breathing heavily, I dropped the gun as the click indicated we were out of bullets. 

If my heart had been racing any more it would’ve jumped straight out my chest, and I bent over and tried to catch my breath. Wells looked from me to the gun on the floor and back again, while Bellamy looked between me and Wells. 

“What… the hell?” He gasped, standing up and brushing himself down. 

I glanced at Wells out of the corner of my eye. “You’re a crap shot,” before looking at Bellamy. “You’re welcome.” 

We got back to camp and I rolled my eyes as everyone congratulated Bellamy, the large cat at his feet for dinner. _You’re welcome_ , I thought to myself again as I followed the others into the dropship.


	4. Earth Kills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Guess we have more in common than you thought, huh?"

It wasn’t hard to climb the trees at camp, but it certainly wasn’t easy. I’d done as much as I could to help, and Jasper wasn’t getting any better. What I needed was fresh air, and that’s how I found myself here. Something had set me on edge ever since we got back from the rescue mission, and it had left me irritable and anxious. We weren’t alone out here, and the Grounders were clearly hostile which meant that they could probably kill us off within a matter of weeks. They had spears, evidently. We had small knives made from ship parts. They had practice, we didn’t. 

It wouldn’t be a stretch for them to wipe us out completely.

“I wish he’d just die already,” someone muttered from down below. 

I had had _enough_ of people talking about Jasper like he was an inconvenience. I descended the tree partially before dropping to the ground. I winced slightly as pain shot through my knee, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. “Say that again and you’ll regret it,” I spat, not even taking the small knife out of my jacket pocket. 

“It’s true,” the guy folded his arms. “We’re _all_ thinking it. Even—” 

Before he could say another word, my fist connected with his face. Once he’d recovered, he rolled up his sleeves and took a step towards me. “Go float yourself, bitch.”

“You first.” 

He pulled out his knife but I turned, slamming his hand into the tree so he dropped it. He managed to get in one punch— a lucky shot— that split my lip and filled my mouth with blood. I raised my fist to hit him again but before I got a chance Clarke appeared, standing in the middle.

She looked at him, and then me. “We are _not_ murderers.” 

“Sorry we’re not all as innocent as you, _princess_.” I spat, glaring at her before storming off. 

I needed to find a better tree, one surrounded by fewer _people_. I left camp and walked around the outside of the small boundary that had been set, where they had begun to build a wall. The noise of the camp had been left behind but I could still hear Jasper crying out in pain. Reaching into my pocket, I felt the weight of the makeshift knife in my hand. I pulled it out, before mimicking the movement I had seen some of the other ‘guards’ do earlier when they were practising, shifting my weight and throwing it at the tree. It didn’t stick, so I tried again, some of the anger dissipating with each throw. 

It took four more tries, but I managed it, resulting in the knife sticking out of the bark at a slight angle. I smiled to myself, hoping it wasn’t a fluke as I yanked it out and tried one more time. It bounced off, landing on the floor with a clang. 

_Yep, definitely a fluke._

I tried again, thinking back to exactly what I had been doing when it stuck. This time it landed, and a wave of relief swept through me. Not a fluke. Not a fluke. Inwardly, I celebrated.

“Now _that’s_ how it’s done.” 

I jumped, cursing at not being alert enough while practising. Luckily enough, it was only Bellamy— this time. I sighed, “What do you want, Blake?”

“You have good hand-eye coordination, and one hell of a survival instinct. I think you should join the hunting group.” At that point, Jasper let out a louder than usual cry and my head snapped in the direction of the camp.

“I’m gonna have to get back to you on that,” I set off at a run and climbed the dropship ladder as Jasper started shaking. Octavia arrived and Bellamy a few moments after. “What’s happening?” 

“This isn’t the Ark,” Clark glared at him, “every life matters.” 

Bellamy stalked off, and I couldn’t stand seeing Jasper like this so I left too. It’s not like I had any medical experience that would be of any use. “Hey, Blake!” I waited for him to turn around. “When do we leave?”

He smirked, “Welcome to the team.”

~

We closed in on the boar, slowly making our way through the leaves in case any sudden movement would startle it. “She’s mine,” Bellamy whispered, raising a hand to get the others to back off as he twirled the weapon in his other hand. We were seconds away from the kill when a twig snapped behind us and he whirled around, his weapon embedding itself in the tree inches above a girl’s head.

She stood there, staring at it. The other hunters followed the boar and left only Bellamy, Atom, and me with her.

“Who the hell are you? I almost killed you— why aren’t you back at camp?” Bellamy pulled his weapon back out of the tree.

“Charlotte,” the girl replied. “Well, what with that guy there who’s dying… I just… I couldn’t listen anymore.” 

Atom cut in, “There's grounders out here, it’s too dangerous for a little girl.” 

“I’m not _little_.” She looked at Bellamy who gave in. 

He smiled slightly, “Okay then. But you can’t hunt without a weapon.” Bellamy pulled out a knife from where it had been strapped to his leg. “Ever killed something before?” She shook her head. “Who knows, maybe you’re good at it.” 

I smiled at her and we began following the tracks of the rest of the group, Charlotte clutching the knife tightly and Bellamy looking back every now and then to check on her, disguising it as keeping watch on the general area. I supposed she reminded him of his sister. 

A loud horn blared out, and I looked around. A war cry? A warning? My eyes fell on the yellow mass moving towards us at an alarming rate. _Shit_. “Run!” Atom called out, pushing Charlotte forwards into a run. We fled through the trees, jumping over roots and ducking low branches. 

“Come on!” Bellamy shouted, “There are caves this way!”

I turned around in time to see Atom fall victim to the fog, screaming out Bellamy’s name as we were forced to leave him. Bellamy grabbed Charlotte and pushed her into the entrance of the cave and I followed quickly after, leaning against the cave wall and coughing. It wasn’t long before Charlotte fell asleep and Bellamy dozed off slightly, leaving me pacing the cave alone. _Five minutes. Ten minutes. Thirty._

“No!” Charlotte called out, waking up Bellamy and pulling me away from my thoughts. 

Bellamy was there within seconds, waking her up and calming her down. “What are you scared of?” He whispered, before shaking his head. “You know what? Doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you do about it.”

“But… I’m asleep.” She trailed off.

“Fears are fears, slay your demons when you’re awake, and they won’t be there to get you when you sleep.” 

_Slay your demons_ , I repeated his words in my head. Funny, that’s exactly what I did. _I slayed my demons_ , and look at what it cost me. A life for a life. 

“Let me see that knife I gave you.” He asked, and she pulled it out. “Now when you feel afraid, you hold tight to that knife and you say ‘screw you. I’m not afraid.’”

“Screw you.” Charlotte clutched the knife. “I’m not afraid.”

Bellamy smiled. “Slay your demons, kid. Maybe then you’ll be able to sleep.” He walked over and leant against the wall next to me. I had already resumed pacing, continuing my counting. “What about you?” 

I scoffed, “What about me? I’ve already slain my demons, I’m good to go. What about _you_?” 

“What about me?” 

“How did you get on the dropship?” I dropped my voice to a whisper, “I heard you and Octavia talking the day we landed. It clearly involved a plan that was _less_ than legal.” 

He rolled his eyes, “Everything on the Ark is less than legal. My sister got put in the skybox for being born!” 

“I know, but I’m a curious person. What did you do that was so bad?”

Bellamy sighed, sinking down into a sitting position. “What did you do to get in the skybox?” 

“I’ve known you a week, what makes you think you’ve unlocked my Tragic Backstory?” I glanced at his facial expression in response and sighed. “I’ll tell if you do.” I paused, “And my story is considerably dicier than those of a load of the people at camp. This isn’t petty theft, I’m talking about.”

“Fine. You first.” He shrugged.

I laughed, “That is one of the least trustworthy things you can say to a person, but sure, I’ll go first. Information for information.” Leaning down, I whispered to him. “Murder. Your turn.”

“What, no details?” 

“If you want details, you’re going to have to _provide_ details.” I dropped into a crouch, my knee clicking. 

“Murder,” he replied. I had the strong urge to joke back ‘what, no details?’, but I ignored it.

Sighing, I continued. “My dad’s an ass, he used to eat all of my rations and then some, but his favourite thing to do was trade them _and_ my mom to the nice engineer next door for booze. This ‘nice’ engineer did some pretty shitty things in his lifetime, but I think the stuff he did with my mom makes the top of that list. Of course, when I tried to tell someone about it, I was told I ‘didn’t know what I was talking about’ and that I was ‘too young to understand’. So my mom killed herself. I got a hold of a gun by nicking and trading a shit ton of my dad’s stuff, went next door and…” I stuck out two fingers and my thumb to make my hand into a gun shape, pressing the tip of my fingers to Bellamy’s forehead. “ _Bang._ ”

I still remember the look on Jaha’s face when he knelt down next to me when they came to take me to the skybox. He said “Did you kill him?” because of _course_ my dad ratted me out. 

And I replied, “And I’d do it again.” A small smile played on my lips, “Fifteen-year-old me was a bit of a bitch.” 

“You were fifteen?” Bellamy asked, surprised.

“Fifteen years, four months and eleven days old. I was in the Skybox for 2 years, 3 months and 8 days.” I looked up to see his raised eyebrows. “It gets boring, I count.” 

“That’s… wow.”

“I know.” The cave fell silent except for Charlotte’s restless breathing.

Bellamy whispered, “I shot Jaha. One of the guards told me that if I did it he’d get me on the dropship. I shot Jaha.” 

_Damn_. Out of all the things he could’ve said, I was not expecting that.

“I’m going to go check if the fog’s cleared. Get ready to wake up Charlotte.” 

And that was the end of that conversation.

Bellamy gave the all-clear and I woke up Charlotte so we could go. The rest of the hunting party wasn’t too far away and they seemed to have had the same idea to use the caves for shelter. 

“Where’s Atom?”

We broke into teams of two to search the area, trying to find him. If he was caught out in that toxic fog, there wasn’t much hope for him. I walked in one direction, only to be stopped dead in my tracks by a series of high-pitched screams. _Charlotte._ I retraced my steps backwards, stopping in horror as I saw her and Bellamy standing over Atom’s body. 

It was covered in burns, and he was barely alive. “ _Kill me_ ,” he managed to choke out.

I took a few cautious steps around him until I got to where they were. Clarke appeared out of nowhere, and I stood there watching as she leant over him, kneeling next to him and plunging the knife in his neck. She hummed as she did it, soothing him as he died. Bellamy watched, unable to tear his eyes away and I was the same. When it was done, Bellamy, Finn, and Wells wrapped him up in a tent and carried him back to camp. 

I made a mental note to _not_ be caught out in the fog.


	5. Murphy's Law

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We are not the Ark. If this were the Ark, both of us would be dead. So do you really want to use that rule?"

I leant against the tree, watching people build the wall. It was coming along well, and everyone seemed to be working together on it. Well, everyone but me. _I_ was on a break. There’s only so many hours a person can go without sleeping, and since I’ve been on the night watch every day since Wells’ death… becoming nocturnal has its benefits, but the overwhelming tiredness during the day sure wasn’t one of them. 

Unfortunately for everyone else, the lack of sleep has in no way impacted my raging curiosity, and when Jasper and Octavia came back from outside the wall looking like they’d just seen a ghost, I had to follow them. Octavia left the tent to grab Clarke and I assumed Bellamy was already inside. I walked in, my suspicions confirmed. 

“You can’t be in here,” he folded his arms. 

I scoffed, “What happened to ‘ _whatever the hell we want_ ’?” 

Bellamy looked at Octavia, growing more and more at unease. “Who else knows about this?” He asked as Clarke came through the tent opening.

“No one,” she replied. “We brought it straight here.”

Clarke picked up the knife from the table. “This knife was made of metal from the dropship. It means the Grounders didn’t kill Wells. It was one of _us_.” 

Jasper frowned, “So there’s a murderer in this camp?”

“There’s more than one murderer in this camp,” Bellamy’s eyes flicked over to me. As one of the aforementioned murderers, I resisted the urge to draw attention to myself by doing finger guns and winking at him. Now probably wasn’t the time. “This isn’t news. We need to keep it quiet.”

Clarke looked at the knife in her hand once more before taking it with her towards the tent opening. “Get out of my way Bellamy—” Clarke started, but he cut her off.

“Clarke, be smart about this. Look at what we’ve achieved. The wall, the patrols. Like it or not, thinking the Grounders killed Wells is good for us.” 

“Good for _you_ , you mean.” She snapped. 

I raised my hand to get their attention. “He has a point. This could go horribly, horribly wrong for us. Fear of the Grounders is what’s getting that wall built. At least wait until it’s done before you go all Princess Justice on our asses.”

“Alyssa’s right. What are you gonna do, walk out there and ask the killer to step forward? You don’t even know whos knife that is.” 

“Oh, really?” Clarke raised her eyebrows. “J.M. John Murphy. The people have a right to know.” She pushed past him out of the tent and into the centre of the camp.

I sighed, “This is gonna bite us in the ass.” 

Clarke stormed over to Murphy, pulling him away from another kid and pushing him over. “You son of a bitch!” 

He recoiled, laughing. “What’s your problem?”

“Recognise this?” She held up the knife.

Murphy was caught off guard, “Where’d you find that?”

“On the ground. You dropped it after you killed Wells.”

His eyes went wide as he walked over to Bellamy. “Look, Bellamy, I’m telling you, man. I swear I didn’t do this.”

“His fingers were on the ground, with your knife.”

Clarke stood in the centre of it all, “Is this the kind of society that we want? You say that there should be no rules, but does that mean we can kill each other without punishment?”

“I already told you, I didn’t kill anyone!” 

Someone in the crowd laughed, “Float him.” And soon everyone else joined in. There was a chorus of ‘float him’ as Murphy was pushed to the ground and held still while they put a rope around his neck, while Clarke fought to get to him as they strung him up, throwing the rope over a tree and pulling it tight so that he was balanced on a log, about to be hung.

Clarke ran over to Bellamy, grabbing his jacket. “You can stop this!”

“You can’t honestly let this happen.” I looked between him and Murphy. “We are _not_ the Ark. If this were the Ark, both of us would be dead, so you really want to use _that_ rule?”

“They’ll listen to you!” Clarke pleaded with him in the middle of the crowd, but it was no use. They had already started to chant his name— _he was going to be the one to do it_. Murphy shook his head, his face bloody. “You’re not a killer, Bellamy don’t do this.”

Murphy’s muffled cries of “I didn’t kill him I swear to god—” were cut off as Bellamy kicked out the support from beneath his legs, leaving him dangling with the noose around his neck. 

Clarke cried out, hitting his chest, but Bellamy just looked at her. “This is on you Princess, you should’ve kept your mouth shut.” 

Finn appeared, and he fought to get to the front of the crowd, calling out to let Murphy down, but no one listened. Apart from Charlotte. “Stop! Stop it!” She screamed. The group went silent. “Murphy didn’t kill Wells, I did!” 

“Oh my god.” Clarke tried to once again fight her way through the crowd, but I was closer and I pulled out my knife and sliced the rope, letting Murphy fall to the ground with a thud, his neck rubbed raw from the rope as Finn untied him. Charlotte stood there, tears falling down her face as she watched the scene unfold. Shit. _Shit._ Bellamy grabbed her and pulled her into the tent. Clarke and Finn followed with me bringing up the rear.

Charlotte cried, “I was just trying to slay my demons! Like you taught me!”

Bellamy’s face went grey as he realised what had happened. I covered my mouth in shock. “She— she misunderstood me, Charlotte that is not what I meant,” he faltered, looking down at her and running his hands through his hair.

Murphy’s shouts of “Bring the girl out now!” were drowned out by Charlotte from inside the tent. “Please don’t let them hurt me… no! Please Bellamy...” she pleaded.

Cursing, Bellamy looked around. “Anyone got any bright ideas?” He knelt down to get on Charlotte’s eye-level, putting his hands on her shoulders. “It’ll be okay, just… stay with them.” He ducked out of the tent to talk to Murphy as Finn and Clarke slipped out the back with Charlotte. 

_This better work_.

It was barely a few minutes before Murphy barged into the tent, and he was furious when he realised she had gone. I pushed past him, sighing as I saw Bellamy face down in the dirt, with Octavia looking Jasper over and helping him up. Bellamy groaned as I rolled him over and offered a hand to help him up. “Where’s… Murphy…” 

I grimaced, “Gone after Charlotte.” 

~

I take _one_ nap, and when I wake up everyone’s gone. Well, almost everyone. The least murderous of the hundred had stayed behind, but when I came out of the dropship it gave the camp the appearance that everyone had left. I checked the tent, but Bellamy had gone and I cursed as I went out into the dark without him to try and head off Murphy’s gang. 

“Charlotte!” He called out, “You can’t hide forever. Don’t worry, we won’t hurt you!”

To the side of the trail, I tailed Murphy as they followed the sounds of Charlotte’s shouts. “Murphy! I’m over here!” 

I sped up, skidding to a halt at the cliff edge at the same time as Murphy’s group arrived. Clarke and Finn appeared, but Murphy grabbed Clarke and held his knife to her throat. Charlotte tried to move forward but Bellamy grabbed her and tried to hold her back. She whispered “I can’t let any of you get hurt anymore. Not because of me… Not because of what I did.” She took a step away from Bellamy, and the rest occurred in slow motion as we all realised what was happening a fraction of a second too late. 

“No!” Bellamy shouted, reaching for her. 

But she had already jumped, disappearing off the cliff edge. Bellamy knelt over the edge, watching her fall as Clarke fell to her knees next to him. I covered my mouth in horror and Murphy stood there motionless. Angry, I turned to him, pushing him. “Is this what you wanted?” I raised my fist but Finn grabbed me, holding my arms so that I couldn’t punch him. Yes, I definitely needed restraining, but he should’ve been more worried about Bellamy. 

Bellamy barrelled over Murphy, punching him repeatedly and sending them both to the ground. “Stop!” Clarke shouted at him, “You’ll kill him!” Finn released me to grab Bellamy, tearing him from on top of Murphy’s body. 

“ _He deserves to die!_ ” He screamed as Clarke stepped in between them. 

She pushed him away. “We don’t decide who lives and dies. Not down here.” 

Murphy spluttered to life, turning on his side and coughing attempting to get up. I moved forwards, holding out my hand. He took and before he was fully up I punched him, with no one to stop me this time. Blood spurted out of his nose and split lip and I continued, an attempt to finish what Bellamy started. 

“If we’re going to survive down here, we can’t just live by ‘whatever the hell we want’. We need rules.” Clarke looked at Bellamy as he wiped his face with the back of his hand, shaken from the night’s events.

“And who makes those rules? You?”

Finn let go of Bellamy and pried me away from Murphy, whose eyes had already begun to swell. He pinned my arms to my sides and I tried to move but it was no use. I was too exhausted. Too angry to be this exhausted. I watched as Bellamy pulled Murphy to his feet, leaning him over the cliff’s edge. 

“If I ever catch you near camp, we’ll be back here— do you understand?” He screamed, before pushing him back onto the ground. Finn let go and his timing wasn’t brilliant because my legs chose that moment to give way, sending me to the floor. I grabbed onto the nearest things for support— Finn and Bellamy— before passing out. 

Maybe sleep has its uses after all.


	6. Twilight's Last Gleaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Do you think you can wish on this kind of shooting star?"

“I’m fine, you can chill.” I brushed off Monty as I stood up. “I’m just exhausted.”

“Then surely that means you need _more_ sleep?” He suggested, raising an eyebrow. 

I laughed, “I’m permanently exhausted, don’t worry about it.” I made my way out of the dropship just in time to see a small pod release a parachute and hit the earth. Monty rushed out after me, his eyes growing wide.

“If it has a radio we can contact the Ark!” He looked at me, “Tell them we’re alive!”

Slowly, I stumbled out into the crowd that had gathered around Bellamy as he barked out instructions. “No one’s going anywhere. Not while it’s dark, it isn’t safe. We’ll head out at first light.” He disappeared back into the tent and I sighed, looking off into the direction the ship had landed. A thought hit me, _what if the Grounders get there first_? Then another, _why do I care?_

I would’ve gone back to rest, sleep in the dropship while Monty worked. If I hadn’t just seen Bellamy leave out the back of the tent, a makeshift backpack slung over one arm. I rolled my eyes, he’s going by himself. _Of course_. He disappeared into the trees, and I picked up a knife and pocketed it before following after, soon getting lost in the woods. 

It wasn’t long before I managed to find the ship. It was completely quiet, the gear damaged probably beyond repair. There was only one passenger, and she stirred as I opened the door. “Hey! Can you hear me?” She lifted the helmet from her head, briefly touching the blood covering her forehead. She looked up. 

“I made it?” The girl stumbled out of the ship and grabbed onto me for balance. “I’m Raven. Abby Griffin sent me.” 

“I’m Alyssa.” Her legs gave way and I kept her upright as Clarke and Finn arrived. The moment they got there she launched herself at Finn, saying his name over and over again and holding him. He looked at her in disbelief, his hands resting on her sides both for support and because he seemed to have missed her. 

Clarke pulled a piece of cloth out of her bag to put pressure on Raven’s forehead. She ignored Finn’s attempts at explaining and I ignored whatever was happening between them. Raven shot up, running back towards the ship and I caught her as she arrived, keeping her on her feet as she leant in.

“The radio’s gone. It must’ve gotten loose during reentry. Should’ve trapped it in. Stupid!” She slammed her hand against the side of the ship in frustration. 

Clarke spoke up, “No. This was my fault. Someone got here before us— we have to find him. Alyssa, did you see anything?” 

“No, it was already quiet when I got here.” I looked around. _Dammit, Bellamy… What did you do?_

We managed to catch up to him on the way back to camp, with me and Clarke running ahead and leaving Finn to support Raven behind us, I spotted Bellamy and caught hold of his jacket, using it to stop myself from skidding as I ground to a halt next to him. He raised an eyebrow expectantly as Clarke appeared. 

“Hey! Where is it?” She grabbed him.

“Hey Princess, you taking a walk in the woods?” He continued walking, brushing her off.

She wasn’t having any of it. “They’re getting ready to kill three hundred people up there to save oxygen, and it won’t be council members— it’ll be working people, your people.”

Finn showed up, leaving Raven’s side to push Bellamy, who returned the gesture easily. “Bellamy! Where is it? Where’s the radio?” He asked, taking a step closer.

“Bellamy Blake? They’re looking everywhere for you,” Raven laughed, looking him up and down. 

Clarke stopped, caught off guard. “Looking for him, why?”

Before he could explain, Raven answered. “He shot Chancellor Jaha.” 

For Clarke, this explained everything. She worked it out instantly— why he took the wristbands, why he wanted everyone to think we were dead…

Laughing, Finn shook his head in disbelief. “All that ‘whatever the hell we want’? You were just saving your own skin.”

Bellamy tried to walk away, but he was caught by Raven who stood in front of him boldly, even though she was swaying slightly on her feet. I caught her elbow as she pushed Bellamy backwards, trying to get his attention. “Hey, shooter! Where’s my damn radio?” 

“I should’ve killed you when I had the chance.” He glared at her.

“Really?” Raven scoffed. “Well, I’m right here.”

He grabbed her by the collar and pushed her up against the tree. Unfortunately Raven was prepared, and the moment she made contact with the cold bark she flicked out a knife and held it in front of his face. 

“Easy.” I put myself in between them as he let go of her, leaving Raven pulling Finn’s coat back over her and stepping forwards. 

“Jaha deserved to die,” Bellamy stated the fact.

Raven laughed again, “Yeah, he’s not my favourite person either. But he isn’t dead.”

Bellamy spun around, “ _What?_ ” 

“You’re a lousy shot.” She quipped, leaning on Finn for support. 

Ten minutes later, we were scouring the river for the radio. Bellamy hovered at the side, frowning. He watched them and his gaze unwavering even when one of the kids dragged the radio out of the water and passed it to Raven. 

Clarke looked at him, “Three hundred people are going to die today. Because of _you_.” 

“You wanted me to help,” he spat. “So I helped.”

~

Raven’s idea to launch flares instead of using the radio was brilliant. No one said we needed to speak to them to tell the Ark we were alive, they just had to know we were here. We fired them off, giving what we hoped was enough time to stop the culling. The group gathered to watch them get set off, sending them off into the horizon to where we hoped they’d be seen. 

“You think they can see them from up there?” Bellamy asked no one in particular. 

I shrugged, “I don’t know.” 

“Do you think you can wish on this kind of shooting star?” Clarke watched the lights travel. “Forget it.”

“I wouldn’t even know what to wish for.” He looked down, before watching the sky again. “What about you?” The rockets streaked across the sky like nothing I’d ever seen. I sighed, thinking to myself. Who needs wishes when for the first time in a long time… we have _hope_?


	7. His Sister's Keeper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No! Don't take the knife out- it's probably the only thing keeping the blood in."

The light outside woke me up, but it wasn’t from the sun. Bellamy was walking around looking in each tent individually with a fire torch. I climbed down from where I had strapped myself into the tree to keep watch… inwardly scolding myself for having fallen asleep in the first place. I jumped down the last bit of the way, landing lightly behind him. Bellamy spun around, his knife inches from my face. I laughed, “Easy there,” before pushing the knife out of the way. “Same side, remember?” 

He put the knife away and rubbed his forehead, sighing before continuing to check the tents. “Have you seen Octavia?” 

“Relax, she’s probably out chasing butterflies or something. It’s not like she’d be hooking up with anyone considering the last guy she did that with got strung up on a tree for the night.” I shrugged.

“You heard about that?”

“It was _my_ tree. I saw the whole thing,” I muttered, remembering vividly the night it happened. “I would’ve set him free but he was in the way, and I can’t jump down that far painlessly.”

He turned around, seemingly unable to decide whether he wanted his free hand to run through his hair or wipe the sweat from his forehead, but instead he picked the knife back up in the end. “She’s not at camp, I’ve checked everywhere.” 

Clarke appeared, wiping her eyes as if she’d been unable to sleep— which was understandable considering the circumstances. “What’s going on?”

“Octavia’s missing,” I answered.

“Let me help, I’ll check the rest of the tents.” She nodded before disappearing. 

Bellamy gathered up a few of the other hunters and picked up the large supply of homemade weapons, dropping it on the floor and unravelling the cloth surrounding it. “Everybody grab a weapon. My sister’s been out there alone for twelve hours. We’re _not_ coming back without her. We need a tracker, Finn! Get out here.” 

I grabbed another knife, pocketing it before anyone saw. My collection was slowly growing. As soon as Finn comes out of his tent we’d be able to leave. Someone called out, and I looked up. 

_They didn’t see the flares._

“And a meteor shower tells you that?” Bellamy looked up at the movement in the sky. 

Clarke said sourly, “It’s not a meteor shower. It’s a funeral. _This is what it looks like from the other side_. They didn’t get our message.” She turned away just in time for her and Finn to grab Raven as she lunged for Bellamy. 

“This is all your fault!” She screamed, unsuccessfully trying to fight her way through to him. 

Bellamy looked up, watching the remnants of the culling victims get burnt up in the planet’s atmosphere, giving the appearance of a meteor shower. “All I know is that my sister is out there, and I’m going to find her. Are you coming or what? What are we waiting for?” He pushed his way out of the crowd to give more instructions. I followed, but I couldn’t help but look up and watch the end of the funeral. _Three hundred people_. 

Dead.

I took a breath, before pushing through the rescue party to the front and walking next to Bellamy. After walking through the trees we emerged in a clearing above a hill, throwing down a rope for Bellamy to slowly walk down. We waited while he investigated, and as soon as he called back “It’s hers, I’m going all the way down,” one by one we began to follow. I made my way down with Jasper following after, following Bellamy as he bent down to look at the earth. The prints got slightly deeper, which meant Octavia had been carried— she was still alive, probably in a similar way to when the Grounders took Jasper. 

The footprints led us to an area surrounded by skeletons strung up on trees. “I don’t speak Grounder,” Finn whispered. “But I think this means keep out.” 

Our rescue party thinned as people began to rethink their decision, a number of them going back in the direction of camp. Bellamy marched on, “Go back if you want. My sister, my responsibility.” I rolled my eyes and followed for three reasons. 

One, Clarke can’t wrangle half of these kids on her own, and if he dies we’re basically screwed. Two, I have nothing better to do. Three? I care… a _little_... 

Jasper walked beside me, as determined as ever. “I’d walk into hell to find her.” 

“I think we just did,” I laughed.

~

“Dammit!” Finn cursed, “We lost the trail.” 

Bellamy urged, “Keep looking.” 

A twig snapped behind me and I turned around. Oh, just John. I looked at the ground, trying to figure out where the trail could’ve gone. Unless whoever had been carrying Octavia managed to climb a tree with her in their arms, which I seriously doubt. Roma looked around, “Hey, where’s John?” 

“That’s impossible, he was _just_ there?” I spun 360, unable to see him. “Spread out, he couldn’t have gotten that far.” Just as I was about to take another step, something glinted in the grass in front of me. As I bent down to pick up Mbege's knife, a thud behind me caused everyone’s heads to snap towards the direction of the sound. John’s body lay on the floor, his throat slit. 

Finn looked upwards, breathing heavily. “They use the trees…” Everyone looked upwards, too busy to notice the Grounders coming from all sides until they started running towards us. “GO!” Someone screamed and we all bolted, crashing through the undergrowth and not caring if they heard us, Grounders already in pursuit. 

We stopped, Roma and Diggs had disappeared. _Shit_ _._ It didn’t take anything to find them, Roma’s screams led us to Diggs’ body but she had already fled, the Grounders followed her instead of the rest of us. I ran, trying to simultaneously look at the trees to avoid a sneak attack and at the floor to avoid any tripwires. Without warning, an arm snaked around my middle and a hand covered my mouth so that I couldn’t cry out, pulling me back against a tree. When I raised my elbow to drive it into the person behind me, a spear struck the ground where I had been moments earlier and my arm fell by my side. 

“Same side, remember?” Bellamy whispered, his grip on me relaxing.

“Thanks, but you do realise I could’ve killed you, right?”

“I don’t doubt it,” he smirked. “Even?”

“Even?” I asked, puzzled.

“For the cat. Now we’re even,” Bellamy explained.

I let out a breath, leaning against him slightly, “Yeah. We’re even. Until I save your ass again.”

“Or until I save _your_ ass again.”

I laughed, “I think the first one’s more likely.”

“We’ll have to see.”

The forest went quiet other than the raging footfalls of the rest of the group, however many of us were still alive. “There she is!” Monroe whispered, “Roma!”

It was easy to see her figure peeking out from behind one of the trees. Bellamy jogged into the clearing to get to her before pausing to slow down, taking cautious steps around and closing her eyes when he reached her. I gasped, the spear stuck out of her chest and unlike Jasper it had gone straight through her heart, killing her instantly. That could've happened to me too if Bellamy hadn't grabbed me. “She only came because of me,” He said quietly.

“They’re playing with us. They can kill us whenever they want.” Finn realised, looking around with his guard up.

Jasper screamed, “Well then they should _get it OVER with!_ ” 

Finn tried to grab him, cover his mouth with his hand but it was too late. The Grounders were already coming from all directions, closing in fast. We stood back to back with our weapons out ready to fight. _Ready to die_. They circled us, getting closer and closer until a horn rang out and they scattered. 

“Acid fog,” I whispered. “We need to take cover.” 

Someone got out a tent— I think it was Finn— and we all crawled inside, sealing it behind us. It was a bit of a squeeze since the tent was in no way designed for any more than three people so the five of us lay down parallel to each other with the flap folded over. “Will this work?” Jasper whispered hopefully. 

“We’ll find out,” Finn replied.

Bellamy sighed, lifting up the tent flap. “No, we won’t.” He stuck his head out of the tent. “There’s no fog.” The rest of us crawled out of the tent and sat up, looking around. “They’re coming back.” He whispered.

Jasper looked at the Grounder. “I think he’s alone.” 

“If he is…” Bellamy decided, “then I’m going after him.”

“And what? Kill him?”

“No, catch him. Make him tell me where Octavia is and _then_ kill him.” He stood up and took off, following the Grounder at a safe distance. I swore and set off after him, taking my knife out and looking around. It didn’t matter if he was only focused on the one grounder, I was looking out for the both of us. 

The Grounder lifted up a large piece of wood and shifted it to the side before climbing through the gap he’d created. I grabbed Bellamy’s arm to hold him back, holding up my hand to wait for at least a minute or there would be no chance of getting inside alive. What if he was about to come back out and we went in? Who knew how narrow that passageway could be? Not wide enough for a fight, that’s for sure. It had barely been ten seconds that I’d counted before he shrugged me off and marched in. Shaking my head, I followed him. 

The tunnel opened out into a small cave and we spotted Octavia immediately. She was chained to the wall and there was blood all over her face… but she seemed okay. There was a key on the floor by her feet and it looked as if she had been startled by our arrival and dropped it. I kept an eye on the Grounder with Finn while Bellamy dropped onto his knees in the dirt to grab the key and unlock his sister. “It’s okay,” he clutched her to his chest once she was free. “You’re okay.” They both sighed in relief, Bellamy refusing to let go.

“How did you find me?” Octavia asked, rushing to Jasper as Bellamy let her go. 

Jasper nodded in the direction of the unconscious Grounder. “Followed him.” 

“We should go, now. Before he wakes up.” Octavia tugged on her brother’s arm. 

“He’s not going to wake up,” Bellamy replied, leaning over the man on the floor.

Octavia tried tugging on him again as Bellamy picked up a spear. “Bellamy stop! He didn’t hurt me, let’s just go!”

I watched Finn lean down, inspecting something on the Grounder’s body. A foghorn? Before he had a chance to do anything, the Grounder woke up and plunged a dagger into his chest. He moved to get Bellamy but he acted quickly, pushing the Grounder away and getting back onto his feet. The Grounder pinned him down, pushing the spear closer and closer towards his chest while Bellamy struggled underneath. 

“Stop! That’s my brother!” Octavia screamed, not moving as she tried to put pressure on Finn’s wound. I planted a kick into the Grounder’s side but it did nothing, so I took a running jump and wrapped my arms around his neck, plunging my knife into his back. He backed into the wall and my head smacked against it, putting stars in my eyes as Jasper struck him down with his staff. I leant against the wall, catching my breath. _Fucking hell_. 

The world spun around me, but Finn’s groan brought me back to my senses, jolting me out of the daze. I managed to stay upright, turning around to see him. “We need to get him to Clarke. No! Don’t take the knife out— it’s probably the only thing keeping the blood in.” 

Bellamy carried him back to camp as Jasper ran on ahead to warn them. I leant on Octavia until we got there and Bellamy could hand Finn over to a group of other boys who took him straight to the dropship. Clarke followed with Raven hot on her heels and filled with urgency.

“Get everybody inside!” Bellamy ushered everyone who was on watch back in through the gate. “A storm’s coming.” The sky darkened, the clouds swirling overhead. He turned back around, running his hands through his hair and looking off into the direction Octavia disappeared into. “You okay?” He asked me, watching warily as I leant against the tree. 

I laughed, “I’m fine. You’re the one who almost died in that cave. Still even, by the way, because saving your ass was a group effort this time.”

“You don’t look fine?” He took a step forward, holding out his hand.

“Bold words for someone who’s currently _spinning_ …” I trailed off.

For the second time this week, Bellamy caught me just in time. I better not be making a habit of this.


	8. Contents Under Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who we are, and who we need to be to survive are two very different things."

I held my head in my hands, leaning against the wall of the dropship while Finn lay on the table next to me. Clarke looked at his wounds with a soundtrack of Raven’s attempts to contact the Ark. “Calling Ark station. This is Raven Reyes, I’m on the ground with the hundred, does anyone read me? Come in Ark station. Are you there? Please come in. The hundred are alive. You need to get Dr Abby Griffin now!” 

The wind picked up and the dropship shook, the storm interfering with the radio. “Hey, they’re back!” Bellamy, Jasper and Monty returned with some of the other hunters, carrying a limp and bound form. _It was the Grounder_.

“What the hell are you doing?” Octavia cried out, standing between them and the ladder. 

Bellamy moved her out the way, “Take him upstairs,” he ordered the others. Not wanting to be in the way of Clarke and Raven and knowing I was no use, I stood up to go with them. “You feeling better?” He asked.

“Just a mild concussion. Nothing I can’t handle.” I grabbed one of the rungs of the ladder before he had a chance to object, beginning the climb up and through the topmost hatch. The dropship shook and I faltered, slipping slightly. I felt Bellamy’s hand on my waist to steady me and I was able to climb up the rest of the way without assistance. Just as he shut the hatch behind us, Drew emptied out the Grounder’s belongings.

They had strung the Grounder up using the ship’s seatbelts to spread out his hands and feet. His face was bloodied and who knew what they did to get him here in the first place. I sat down towards the other side of the room as Bellamy and the other hunters questioned him, asking about his notebook, the small vials in his bag, and various other things about the other Grounders. 

I was taken by surprise as Clarke pounded on the other side of the hatch. Miller moved the block to let her in and she climbed up quickly, pushing past the others to get to the Grounder. “What is on this? Is there an antidote?” She turned back to Bellamy, “He poisoned the blade.”

“Clarke, he doesn’t understand you.” Octavia pleaded.

“You’d have to be stupid to have a poison around this long without an antidote. Which one is it?” She held out the vials. “Which one?” 

“Answer the question!” Bellamy shouted.

“Which one? Our friend is dying down there and you can stop that!” Clarke begged. 

Bellamy moved Octavia and Clarke out of the way, walking towards the Grounder. “I’ll get him to talk.” 

“Bellamy, no!” 

“He wants Finn to die, Octavia! Why can’t you see that?” He shook his sister off. “Do you want him to live or not?” Bellamy asked Clarke. 

Octavia tried her, “Clarke, you said it yourself. This is _not_ who we are! He was protecting me, he saved my life!”

“We are talking about Finn’s life!” 

Clarke agreed. “Do it.” 

“Just tell us!” Octavia pleaded with the Grounder.

Bellamy tore the man’s shirt away, revealing his tribal tattoos. “You are going to show us that antidote or you’re going to wish you had.” He wrapped one of the seatbelts around his hand, swiping it at the Grounder and creating a gash across his side. He slashed him again, creating more and more openings in the man’s flesh.

“Please stop!” Octavia begged, the anger bringing her close to tears.

“Clarke! He’s getting worse!” Raven called from below, and Clarke dropped to her knees and pleaded with him, asking over and over again which was the antidote. 

Running out of options, Bellamy tossed away the seatbelt and picked up a nail-like object from the floor. He turned back to the rest of us. “You don’t have to be here for this.” 

“I’m not leaving until I get that antidote.” Clarke put her hands on her hips, turning around and working up the courage to witness more of the torture. I nodded, folding my arms and refusing to tear my eyes away.

“Last chance,” Bellamy warned the Grounder before shoving the nail through his hand.

Raven appeared, and Clarke explained that the Grounder refused to tell us anything. “Want to bet? Let me show him something new.” She tore out two wires from the ship, sparks flying as she held them against his body, the electricity causing the man to scream as it buzzed through him. Octavia picked up the dagger, slicing her hand before any of us realised what she was doing.

“Octavia, no!” Bellamy watched in horror as his sister dropped to the ground and spread out the selection of vials, tapping each of them in turn. 

“Which one?” 

He finally nodded when she gestured to one of them, the blood dripping down her wrist as she handed the vial to Clarke first, who ran downstairs with it to give to Finn, Raven following after. Octavia stayed on the floor, but when Bellamy tried to go to her she pushed him away, looking up at the Grounder instead. 

Once she’d administered the antidote, Clarke returned to pull the nail out of the Grounder’s hand and to clean his wounds. He resisted, so she handed the cloth to Octavia instead who had a better chance. I climbed back down to the second level of the dropship, joining some of the others as Miller went up to keep watch on the Grounder. 

As the storm had passed, some of the group had already gone outside to clear up the mess caused by the weather and had slowly but surely begun to rebuild the wall. Clarke came out and met Bellamy in the middle of it all, glancing at what was left of the camp. “I wish this was our only mess.” She looked around.

“Hey,” Bellamy caught her arm, taking the nail out of her grasp. “Clarke. Who we are, and who we need to be to survive are very different things.” 

She glanced at the nail and then back at the dropship. “What are we going to do with him? We can’t keep him locked up here forever.” 

“If we let him go, he’ll be back. And not alone next time.” His expression mirrored hers, “It’s not easy being in charge, is it?”

I made my way just outside the wall, throwing my head back and groaning loudly. “Well, there goes my favourite tree.” I sat down on top of the fallen tree, avoiding the large branches near the top. Good vantage point, easy to climb, not too far from camp— but not too close I could hear everyone. I patted it and sighed. Well, I’m in a forest, it can’t be that hard to find another tree.


	9. Day Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're not a monster."  
> "Neither are you."

“What _are_ you doing?” Bellamy raised an eyebrow, watching me descend yet another tree in the past ten minutes. 

“Finding a tree,” I replied, starting the next climb. Nope, not enough branches. I dropped back down, looking at another.

He cocked his head to the side and pointed behind him to the one that he was leaning against, “What about this one? Also, _why_?”

“That one has what’s left of a bee’s nest in it, and I’m not prepared to see what the radiation did to _them_. And I like being high up.” I tried to get a grip on another tree but there was too much moss. “You see this one— ” I gestured to my old favourite, lying on the forest floor— “Was perfect. But it got knocked down in the storm, so I need to find another.” 

Bellamy slowly moved away from the tree he had been leaning against, looking upwards cautiously at the same time. “What about the Grounders? You can’t come too far outside the camp.” 

“If the Grounders come, I’ll be the first to know.”

~

Clarke found me once she finished talking to Bellamy in the dropship. “Hey. The Ark found some old records that show a supply depot not too far from here, I’m going to go check it out and I was thinking about bringing you and Bellamy for backup?”

“Okay… why me?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You have good aim, and there are others who I’d rather not spend the day with.” She replied, her eyes falling on the tent housing Finn and Raven.

I shrugged, “Alright then. When do we leave?”

“Ten minutes, pack a bag.” 

Tucking a spare knife away, I grabbed some rations and followed Clarke and Bellamy out the gate ten minutes later. “The dropship’s coming down soon, you can’t avoid Jaha forever,” Clarke said as she walked, looking back at Bellamy.

He scoffed, “I can try.” 

“I’m prepared to let them think I’m dead. Things aren’t brilliant for me if they know I’m alive.” I shrugged, pulling out a nut from my rations and popping it into my mouth. “As far as they’re concerned, I was one of the first to die down here— it was Grounders, didn’t you hear? Went down fighting.”

Clarke sighed, “You’re alive, though. And you’re useful— this isn’t like on the Ark, you’re not going to get floated.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Princess.” I laughed, “You said it yourself when Wells died. We can’t kill without punishment, right? They’re willing to forgive people for stealing and trading and simply being born, but murder’s a sketchy line that they’re probably not too happy with.”

She looked at me, surprised. “You killed someone?” 

“That’s right. Your mom probably didn’t even see him in the hospital wing— there’s no chance he was going to be revived.” I shrugged. 

Bellamy redirected the conversation. “So you said the depot is supposed to be around here somewhere? There’s gotta be a door.” He started to make his way down the hill with me and Clarke following.

“Maybe he’ll be lenient,” She said to him before turning to me. “On _both_ of you.”

“Look, I shot the man Clarke. He’s not just gonna forgive and forget.” Bellamy snapped. “Let’s just split up— we’ll cover more ground. Stay within shouting distance.” He stalked off, making his way further down the hill. I laughed, beginning to walk around to the other side. I am pretty happy that the guy I murdered is very much dead, so at least when the dropships land I have no chance of running into _him_ any time soon. Or ever again. My father, on the other hand, is arriving in a few days. Something I'm very much dreading.

Clarke signalled from the bottom of the hill. “Guys, I found a door!”

Bellamy cleared the rubble and foliage out the way and tried to open it, “I think it’s rusted shut. Watch out.” He pulled out an axe and hit the hinges holding it in place so we could lift it up. Once we were inside and down the stairs, he opened a barrel and found glowsticks, snapping them and tossing them across the floor to give us light.

“Hey, I found blankets,” Clarke lifted open one of the other storage barrels. 

“You’re excited about a couple of blankets? How about a canteen, or a med kit?” Bellamy sighed.

“Or a decent frickin tent?” I added.

Bellamy walked off, disappearing for a moment or two before he grunted and I heard a crash. Jogging over to investigate, I realised he had kicked over a barrel of water in anger, spilling it across the floor. He took a step closer to it, leaning over what was underneath. “Oh my god…” He picked up one of the pieces of equipment from the box behind the water barrel. It wasn’t just any equipment. _Rifles_.

“Jackpot!” I cheered, picking one up and drying it off. Before inspecting it, I put another nut in my mouth and wiped a bead of sweat from my forehead. 

He grinned, proud of his discovery. “Up for a little target practice?”

Clarke nodded and I tightened my grip on the gun. “Always.”

“This changes everything.” He started to put up a target. “No more running from spears. Ready to be a badass, Clarke?” Bellamy put a nut into his mouth and handed her a gun.

“Look,” she started. “I’m not going to fight you on bringing guns back to camp. I know we need them, but don’t expect me to like it.” 

I laughed, “Oh trust me, Princess. You’re going to like this. Plus, we’re not sitting ducks anymore— you need to know how to do this.” 

“Alyssa’s right. A little higher,” he adjusted her position, putting his hand on her back to keep her steady. “Yeah, uh… that’s good. Just watch and learn.” 

He aimed the rifle and pulled the trigger. It clicked, and nothing happened. He tried again but had the same outcome.

"Still watching," Clarke smirked.

“All my bullets are duds.”

I cut in, “Watch and learn from _me_.” I poked Bellamy in the chest, smiling. “You too. You need to improve your aim.” He rolled his eyes as he tried to fix his gun. I lifted up my gun, not surprised to find it weighed slightly more than the pistols I had used in the past. Looking down the sight, I watched the target, lining my rifle up with the X. Just as I was about to pull the trigger, the face of my father filled my eyes and I was thrown off, the shot completely missing the target altogether. I looked back at Bellamy who had his arms folded.

“You were saying?” 

I rolled my eyes, lining up the shot once more. “Just getting my bearings.” This time there weren’t any surprises and I hit the X dead centre. I released the bullet casing and fired one more shot, millimetres away from the first. “See?”

Bellamy smiled, trying to suppress a laugh. “Alright, alright. Clarke, you’re up.” 

She raised the rifle and lined it up, but she hit the bottom right of the target, far below the X. Still, Clarke seemed happy. “That was amazing.” She laughed, turning around to face us. “Am I horrible for feeling that?”

He laughed, shaking his head. “Try again.” 

Clarke shook her head, spinning around. “No. We shouldn’t waste the ammunition.” 

“You need to practice,” I urged, showing her how to reload. “Shoot at least three more times.” She raised the gun again and fired before reloading and trying again twice more. I looked at the shots and saw that they were in a line. “I think It’s your breathing. You need to slow down and breathe slowly because you’re slightly adjusting the angle of the gun. Get ready to shoot, take one long deep breath, shoot, then let it out. Try one more time.” 

I passed her the bullet and she shot once more, this time closer to the X. I smiled, and Bellamy smiled as Clarke looked at her final shot. Considerably better than the others. “That was fun… but we need to talk about what we’re doing with these guns at camp. Where they’re stored, who has access…”

Bellamy took the gun from her and loaded it, aiming and firing a shot that landed a couple of inches to the right of mine. 

“You left Miller in charge of the grounder,” Clarke continued. “You must trust him.” 

“You should keep him close,” he loaded the rifle again. “The others listen to him.”

“Wait,” Clarke aimed his gun towards the floor and stood in front of him. “ _I_ should keep him close? Bellamy, what’s going on?”

I nodded, “You’ve been acting weird all day.” 

“All the rations you took…” Clarke trailed off, “You’re gonna run! That’s why you agreed to come with us.”

I shook my head, walking towards him. “Oh _hell_ no! Were you seriously going to load up on supplies and just disappear? We need you!” I shoved him, causing him to take a few steps back. 

“I don’t have a choice. The Ark will be here soon.” 

“So you’re just going to leave Octavia?” Clarke said angrily.

Bellamy looked away, “Octavia hates me, she’ll be fine.” 

“You don’t know—” 

“I shot the Chancellor.” He cut her off, “They’re going to kill me. Best case scenario they lock me up with the Grounder for the rest of my life and there’s no way in hell I’m giving Jaha the satisfaction.”

“Are you serious?” I spat, “The rest of the hundred need you and Clarke to be in charge or they’ll be at each other’s throats with two deer heads on a stick! If you’re not willing to even _try_ to find a way around this then you are not the person I thought you were. I’m staying because for some unknown reason I think I can be useful here, _and my shot didn’t even miss_. By the time they get down here, I’ll probably be eighteen, but for once I’m willing to fight for my life. I’m disappointed that you’re not. I need some air.” Pushing past him, I marched out of the bunker and up the hill, leaning against a tree to catch my breath. 

I grabbed the nearest stick I could and threw it at a different tree, watching it crack on impact. _How could he?_ Bellamy couldn’t just _leave_ , he couldn’t desert us like that. I slammed my hand against the tree, wincing in pain as it connected. 

“Fancy that,” someone laughed behind me and I spun around. “You just can't keep people around, can you?”

My father stood in the clearing, a bottle in his hand. _No, no… that’s impossible. You’re not here._ “This isn’t happening.” 

“Wrong.” My dad threw the bottle at me and I ducked, but it shattered on impact with the tree and a piece of glass embedded itself in my leg. “Just ask your mother— she left, didn’t she? She took the coward’s way out and left you. I’m just glad I wasn’t the one to find her.” 

“She died because of you,” I spat.

“If you were worth more, you could’ve taken her place. But no, she had to do it all by herself or we would starve. She’s the reason you’re alive, and you decided to throw your life away by killing the one person that always helped us.” He snapped.

“ _We_ would starve? Helped us? This is because of _you_! This is _all_ because of you! You’re the reason that we were starving because _you_ ate all the damn food. You’re the reason she was forced to do what she did. What _you_ forced her to do. Helped us? Your judgement is worse than I ever thought if you could even possibly believe that.” 

“He never did anything wrong, he only helped your mother help us. _You_ took a theory and twisted it into something it wasn’t, too young to know any better. _You’re_ the reason she’s dead. _You_ blew it by trying to tell someone about the arrangement we had. _You_ killed him— an innocent man— because you knew you could.”

“No!” Tears streamed down my face. “No. He was a monster.” 

“ _You’re the monster_.” 

“No!” I charged at him, but he caught me and pushed me onto the ground. I took a breath, I tried again. This time I managed to land a punch but the moment my fist made contact with him, something I’d wanted to do for a long time, pain exploded through it like I had hit a brick wall. Staggering backwards, I clutched my fist with my other hand as I tripped over a tree root and fell to the ground. 

My dad took another step forward, “This all started when you were born. You were a strain on resources and on your mother and I. If you didn’t exist, she would still be alive.” 

Tears made tracks in the dirt on my face, “I had to kill him. For her.”

“You can’t use her to justify your selfishness. Not this time. Not here.”

I closed my eyes, trying to gather more strength. When I opened them again, I was in the Ark. I stood up, looking around the room. My father was gone but my eyes fell on someone else. She opened the door and walked in, fifteen but with bags under her eyes that seemed to have lived decades. She came in and dropped the bag of rations onto the table. “Mom? I’m back.” The girl yawned and opened the bathroom door, instantly falling to her knees. “Mom? _Mom, what did you do?_ ”

No. I wasn’t going to witness this. Not again. I stormed through the door and out into the corridor. I sat down on the floor next to the air vent and tucked my head in my knees. This wasn’t possible. I was dreaming. I had to be. I just needed to wake up. 

Someone tapped my shoulder and I woke up, it was the little girl again. She put a finger to her lips and pointed to the bulge underneath her jacket. She held out a hand and pulled me with her as she knocked on the door next to her own. A man opened it, inviting her in. The door closed behind them and as he bent down, she punched him in the nose. Blood poured from it and he staggered back, tripping over an uneven floor grate. She pulled the gun out and held it against his head. No… this wasn’t right. He put up more of a fight than this. He was angrier than this. He wasn’t as defenceless as this. She held the gun against his head, her hand shaking but her gaze unwavering. 

“You’ll get floated,” he whispered.

“I know.” 

The shot rang out and he collapsed onto the ground. She dropped the gun and walked next door, locking the door behind her. I turned around, ready to get away, ready to run, but my dad was standing behind me. 

“You let someone get tortured,” he held the same gun that I had used on the Ark. “You watched. You enjoyed it. You _are_ a monster. When you’re around, people die. It’s just a matter of time.” I closed my eyes, hoping that if he was going to kill me it would be quick. 

Then I remembered what I’d said to Bellamy. _I’m willing to fight for my life_. 

My eyes snapped open. The Ark was gone; we were back amongst the trees. He set off at a run but I followed him into a clearing. It was dark by now and rain was pouring down but I didn’t care. I lost sight of my father, but he reappeared again standing in front of Bellamy, who was somehow on the ground on his knees.

“Kill me,” Bellamy pleaded. “I deserve it. Please. I can’t fight anymore! What am I supposed to do?” He screamed in pain, rolling over. My father stood over him, and I heard him load the gun as Bellamy lay on his back on the wet mud, his face full of defeat. My dad raised the gun and pulled the trigger but it clicked, the bullet was a dud. Bellamy’s hand scrambled in the dirt next to him and he held up nothing but air, looking at his hand in disbelief. 

I charged, ramming straight into my dad and knocking him over. The moment he was down I ignored him and moved over to Bellamy, “Like I said, I’m willing to fight for my life. Are you?” I held out a hand but my dad reappeared, pushing me to the ground. 

“Put it down.” Clarke held the gun out facing my dad. 

“You should’ve stayed down there, Clarke. I tried not to kill you but here you are, and Shumway said no witnesses.”

“What is he talking about?” She looked at Bellamy.

“Shumway set it up. He gave me the gun to shoot the Chancellor.”

My dad aimed the gun at Clarke. “Walk away now, and I won’t kill you.” 

“Put it down.” She fired but the gun clicked, the bullet had gone bad. The moment the gun failed she dived out of the way behind the tree as he fired at her, this time his gun working.

“No!” Bellamy shouted, tackling my dad to the floor and punching him. 

The gun lay a few feet away and I crawled towards it. I raised the gun just as my dad flipped on top, punching Bellamy repeatedly. Bellamy choked as he tried to cut off his airway. Taking a deep breath, I pulled the trigger and my dad fell away from Bellamy’s chest. As he did, his hair changed colour and shortened, his skin went paler and his build shrunk.

_It wasn’t my father._

I dropped the gun, backing up until my back was flat against the bark of a tree. _No._ It wasn’t him. _No_. It wasn’t him. My breathing sped up and I put my head in my hands, trying to think. I opened my mouth but it was a few seconds before I could get my words out. “ _Who the fuck did I just kill?_ ”

“What?” Clarke looked at me as she leant over Bellamy, checking him for any serious injuries. 

“I said, _who the fuck did I just kill?_ I think I’m going crazy, because I just spent the last god knows how long in a physical fight with my _dad_ who is on the _Ark_ right now, and then shot him, and it’s not even him. So I’m definitely going crazy, right? Fuck, I’m going crazy…” I brought my knees up to my chest. “I’m going crazy… I’m–” I knocked my head lightly against the tree to see if I could set it straight, fix whatever had gone wrong this afternoon.

Leaves rustled and I looked up to see Bellamy collapse next to me. “Dax. He was here to kill me. You’re the reason he didn’t.” 

I shivered, unintentionally leaning into him. “I wasn’t seeing him. I think there’s something wrong with me. Whatever happened… it wasn’t real. I saw… things I shouldn't have been seeing.”  _ My dad. My mom. My past. _

Clarke sat down on my other side, panting. “Dax was real. My best bet is that there was something off about the rations. Hallucinations of some sort. You’re not going crazy, it happened to me too. But we’re okay now.” She put a hand on my leg comfortingly. “We’re going to be okay now.”

“No, I’m not,” Bellamy shook his head. “My mother… if she knew what I had done… who I am… she raised me to be better, to be good. And all I do is hurt, people.” He paused, closing his eyes. “I’m a monster.” 

“Hey, you may be a total ass half of the time, but we need you. If it weren’t for you, we’d be dead already.” I put my hand over his, telling him the truth that he needed to hear, but also what I needed to hear.

Clarke looked over, “None of us would’ve survived this place if it wasn’t for you. But you can’t run, Bellamy. You have to come back with us. You have to face it.” 

“Jaha will kill me when he comes down,” Bellamy sighed. 

I let my head fall to rest on his shoulder. “Not if we have anything to say about it.” 

Clarke nodded, “We’ll figure something out.” 

“Can we figure it out later?” Bellamy laughed weakly. 

She adjusted her position and looked up at the sky. “Whenever you’re ready.”

~

“Wait here,” Clarke whispered as she took Bellamy into the tent. I heard her side of the conversation with Jaha. “Before you do, I’d like to say something. When you sent us down here, you sent us to die. But miraculously, most of us are still alive. In large part that is because of him, because of Bellamy. “He’s one of us, and he deserves to be pardoned of his crimes just like the rest of us. _Every_ person in the hundred is going to be pardoned of their crimes, no matter how bad it was. Bellamy should be no different.” 

I realised what she was saying. When she said ‘no matter how bad’, Clarke was talking about me. I took a deep breath, running a hand through my hair. 

“It is if you want to know who on the Ark wants you dead,” Bellamy paused, listening to Jaha. “Shumway.” 

The conversation finished and they came back out, Clarke leaving to check on Finn’s bandages. “So…” I gave Bellamy a small smile. “How’d it go?”

“I’m pardoned of all crimes,” he smiled back. “And so are you.” 

Overwhelmed with relief, I pulled him into a hug. He was stiff at first but gave into it eventually before I let him go. “You deserve it.” 

“So do you.” 

“You’re not a monster,” I whispered.

“Neither are you,” he whispered back.

And it was exactly what I needed to hear.


	10. Unity Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Best Unity Day ever."  
> "Really? Doesn't even make my top three."

Ugh, I’ve always hated Unity Day. The celebration was ridiculous, but it happened every year. I hovered at the side, watching the celebration through the video camera Raven had set up. I zoned out, it was the same as every year. The kids walk around with the flags and talk about how ‘everything is better together’. I could probably recite the monologue by heart, even though I missed two of the celebrations while in the Skybox. 

The Ark was only formed after they blew the thirteenth station out of the sky. Thank god for Bellamy putting me on the security detail, I’d hate to have no excuse to get out of the party. I sat in a tree on the inside of the perimeter. Not as good as my old tree— too close to the party noise— but it was okay. Okay for tonight, at least. 

There was only one good thing about the party, and that was the fact that with all the noise down there, it was unlikely I’d fall asleep. Just in case, I had already strapped myself in using two of the seatbelts from the dropship. I kept an eye on the ground and the trees, careful to not ignore any incoming attacks. Not that sleep would be an issue, every time I’ve tried to close my eyes since the jobi nut incident… I’ve seen a lot of things I don’t like. 

“Hey.”

I looked down to see Bellamy standing at the foot of my tree. “What’s up?” 

“I need a hand, can you help?” 

I gave him a mock salute before unstrapping the seatbelts and hooking them around my waist for the climb down. “Sure thing, Boss.” 

He laughed, handing me a pile of bullets. 

“Do they work?” I eyed them suspiciously. 

“Hopefully.” 

We gave Clarke a head start, and she made us a trail by using those damned nuts so that we could follow. At least they have a use for _something_. I shuddered, not wanting to relive last time. I followed Bellamy with Jasper and Raven behind me as we made our way through the woods, which were dark and _welcoming_ as always. By the time Clarke got to the meeting place with Finn, the sun had already risen. We stationed ourselves under the bridge, hovering to give us a good shot if we needed one. 

The Grounders rode in on horses, and the leader was flanked by two guards with bows and arrows. Clarke set off into the middle of the bridge for the meeting, leaving the rest of us watching cautiously from the sideline. I looked upwards through the sight of my gun to see who else the Grounders had brought, but so far there was nothing. My eyes stayed on the riders on the bridge as Clarke talked with the leader. 

“Grounder Princess looks pissed,” Raven remarked.

Bellamy laughed but his face stayed serious, “Our Princess has that effect.” 

“Oh no… this is bad…” Jasper looked upwards, aiming his gun. “There’s Grounders in the trees.” 

_Shit._ “Are you sure?” I asked, looking for myself. He was right, there were at least four _that we could see_ , armed with bows and spears. 

“They’re gonna shoot! CLARKE, RUN!” Jasper screamed, bursting out of the tree line and firing. 

I followed him, looking upwards and aiming, catching one just before he threw his spear. Jasper caught another before he had finished drawing his bow and both Grounders fell to the floor, dead before they even made contact. The Grounder leader pulled a knife and I aimed for her wrist. She moved a fraction of the second too early, and it hit her arm further up but the intended purpose was still reached. 

“Clarke, get down!” Bellamy shouted, firing quickly. 

Jasper caught another as he finished drawing his bow, the arrow going off course and embedding itself in the bridge. “Go! Go!” Raven called out, ushering us into the shelter of the trees. An arrow missed my head by inches as I ducked, firing off another shot to take the sniper down. Bellamy raised his gun but he was out of ammo, the gun clicking with each time he pulled the trigger. 

We ran, not stopping until we got to the clearing just outside the camp, panting and out of breath. But more than winded, we were angry. At the Grounders, but also each other. 

“You got something to say?” Bellamy glared at Finn, who had been silent the whole journey back. 

“Yeah. I told you no guns!” He shouted at Clarke.

She shook her head. “I told _you_ we couldn’t trust the Grounders and I was right.”

Raven cut in, directing her anger at Finn. “Why didn’t you tell me what you were up to?”

“I tried, but you were too busy making bullets for your gun!”

“Hey, you’re lucky she brought that!” Bellamy shouted. “They came here to kill you, Finn.” 

“You don’t know that! Jasper fired the first shot!” Finn gestured angrily in Jasper’s direction.

Octavia spat, “You ruined everything.” She stormed off, ignoring Jasper’s replies. 

“Hey!” I walked up to Finn, “Do _not_ take it out on him, he’s the one who realised they were in the trees and _he_ is the reason Clarke’s still alive.” 

Finn glared at me, “Well if we weren’t at war already, we sure as hell are now.” He turned to Clarke, betrayal filling his voice. “You didn’t have to trust the Grounders. You just had to trust me.” 

He stormed off, with Raven behind him eager to get more of her point of view in. That left Bellamy, Clarke, and I, standing outside the wall. “Best Unity Day ever,” Bellamy said sarcastically. 

“Really?” I joked back, “Doesn’t even make my top three.” 

Clarke turned around, the sound of an explosion catching us all off guard. We looked up to the sky and saw the dropship hurtling through earth’s atmosphere at an alarming rate. Although, I supposed that’s what we looked like when we landed. I could hear her breath hitch in her throat before she could get her words out. “Wait. Too fast, no parachute? Something’s wrong…” The ship crashed down behind the mountains, followed by a ball of fire as it burst into flames. Clarke crumpled as if she’d been stabbed by a poisoned Grounder dagger, her legs giving way as she stumbled onto the floor in dismay. I grabbed her before she fell, but she ended up taking me down with her.

 _Her mother was supposed to be on that ship_.


	11. I Am Become Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm taking that as a compliment." 
> 
> "Believe it or not, it was one."

Everything was scorched in the area where the dropship came down. There was no hope of there being any survivors. The hunters patrolled the area with guns while some of the others salvaged parts of the wreckage. We had to stay sharp. Grounder retaliation for what happened at the bridge was going to come when we would least expect it. We had to be ready. 

What better time to attack when we were busy mourning our dead?

“Can you blame the Grounders for wanting to retaliate?” Finn asked loudly, throwing a glare in Bellamy’s direction that he was too busy on lookout to notice. 

“No, I blame you,” Bellamy replied matter-of-factly. 

Finn started again with the same argument he had tried to use last night. “Well maybe if you didn’t bring _guns_ —” I cut him off. 

“If we didn’t bring guns, we’d all be dead. Pick your battles, Spacewalker. Now isn’t the time.” I rolled my eyes, lifting up a piece of metal lightly with my foot.

Bellamy sighed. “Why they’re coming doesn’t matter anymore. It’s our job to be ready when they do. We’re on our own now.” 

Clarke leant in towards what was left of one of the damaged rockets and as soon as Raven noticed, she went running towards her. The rest of us had no choice but to follow. “Clarke, stop! Hydrazine… highly unstable in its non-solid form. When this stuff meets fire, we’re all pink mist.” Raven dipped a small rock in the hydrazine and launched it towards one of the areas of ground still full of flames. “FIRE IN THE HOLE!” She called, as the hydrazine covered rock made contact with the fire, creating an explosion that was loud and large. 

I took a step back. “That’s terrifying, but also one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen.” Pausing, I looked from the puddle of hydrazine to the remains of the explosion it just caused. “I kind of want to do it again.” Raven glared, and I raised a hand in surrender. “I didn’t say I _would_ , I just said I _wanted_ to.”

“We need to clear the area,” Raven ordered. 

“Okay then,” Bellamy nodded at her before shouting to the others with guns. “We move in formation, no straggling, weapons hot. We’ve got to get back before dark.” 

~

Once we got back from the crash site, Connor told us about Murphy. Apparently, the kid just showed up, begging for help and claiming he’d been captured by the Grounders. “We caught him trying to sneak back into camp,” Connor kept his gun trained on him at all times. Murphy looked worse than I’d ever seen him as he croaked back an answer. 

“I wasn’t sneaking. I was running from the Grounders.” 

Bellamy looked at the other hunters. “Anyone see Grounders?” He received a chorus of various negatives and shaking heads in response. “Well in that case—” he raised his own gun towards Murphy.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Finn pushed it back down. 

“We were clear what would happen if he came back.” 

“No,” Finn stepped in the way. “If he was there with the Grounders then he knows things that can help us.” 

“Help us? We hanged him.” Bellamy replied. “We banished him,” he raised his gun again. “And now we’re gonna kill him. Get the hell out of my way.” 

Clarke cut in, putting out a hand to lower Bellamy’s gun. “No, Finn is right.” 

“Like hell he is!” snapped Bellamy. “Clarke, think about Charlotte!”

“I _am_ thinking about her,” she replied. “But what happened to Charlotte was as much our fault as his.” Clarke knelt down next to Murphy, inspecting his hands. “He’s not lying— his fingernails were torn off. They tortured him.”

Finn turned to Bellamy, “You and the Grounders should compare notes.” 

“The Grounders know we’re at war,” I rolled my eyes at him. “What did you tell them about us?” 

“Everything,” Murphy spat the word like it was poison, whilst simultaneously shrinking back. 

I shared a look with Bellamy and Finn. If the Grounders knew everything, then we were just one small mistake away from being very, _very_ screwed. Clarke stood up, walking over to us. “Once he’s better, we find out what he knows, and then he’s out of here, okay?”

“And what if he refuses to leave. What do we do with him then?” I gestured to him with my rifle as Clarke pushed past. 

“Then we kill him,” she answered. 

I stayed on duty, even once I was supposed to clock off after the night shift. I strapped into my tree— still not as good as my original tree, but with the Grounders potentially attacking at any moment it was a good idea to stay inside the camp limits— and sat with my gun resting on my lap. Even though there were other hunters on duty almost directly below me, I had already warned them that just because I was in the tree I was _not_ a Grounder, and therefore please could they not freak out and shoot me if they see any movement above their heads. 

“Clarke! Somebody get Clarke!” I heard someone shout from below, and as I looked down I saw Connor collapse into Clarke’s arms as she arrived. “It won’t stop,” his whole body shook as he wiped the blood which continuously flowed from his nose and eyes. 

Ten minutes later, Derek had died from the same mysterious virus that had infected Murphy, Connor and Clarke. Bellamy came by not long after, warning me to stay out of the way in case I got infected too. I watched from above as more people succumbed to the sickness, blood pouring out of them as their bodies shook. The dead were laid out next to the dropship, covered over so that we didn’t have to see them. 

People began to panic, running around covering their mouths and noses with pieces of fabric to avoid getting exposed by their friends. Clarke fired three warning shots into the air, dispersing the crowd and getting them to behave rationally. I came down from the tree to piss in a bush, witnessing the madness as I climbed back up. I looked over before grabbing the branch, just in time to see Clarke collapse, caught by Finn before she could hit the ground. 

I stayed on watch, keeping an eye out for any grounders as the others prepared weapons for the fight. Their plan had worked— the disease was thinning the battlefield, and most were too weak to fight it. 

My head began to swirl but I shook it off. Night began to fall and the torches around camp were lit. My chest began to hurt and I coughed. Not lightly, the coughing fit rattled my entire body and left me not only breathless but also exhausted. I wiped my face, only to find my hand came back sticky with blood. I couldn’t tell where it came from, but I knew it wasn’t good. 

I had to get down from this tree. _Fast_. 

I unclipped the seatbelts, slinging one over my shoulder and leaving the other on the tree as I began to climb down. I hit the ground running, trying to get to the dropship before I could infect anyone, if I hadn’t already. Miller spotted me and shouted to me on my way. “Hey! You okay?”

“I’m fine. Just don’t touch me,” I smiled weakly.

He hesitated as if he didn’t believe me, which made sense, considering thanks to the blood running down my face I didn’t really believe me either. Something warm and wet dripped onto my lips and I realised the blood was coming from my nose, and faster than before – fast enough to trickle steadily down my lips and chin. 

“Okay, I take it back. I’m not fine. Not fine at all. I’m going to get to the dropship.” 

I ran into Bellamy, skidding to a halt just before the impact so that I didn’t infect him, but when he looked up with blood already trickling out of his nose and toppled sideways, staggering two steps and collapsing on top of a tent, I realised that it was already too late. Already infected and swaying on my own feet, I used some of my remaining energy to help him to his feet and we leant against each other.

Someone held onto me as Octavia took Bellamy, lying him on the ground on his side just in time for him to cough up blood without choking. “I’m scared,” he whispered.

“I won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.” She wiped a cloth over his forehead as they laid me down. 

“That’s what I said to you the day you were born.”

“I know,” Octavia smiled slightly. “You told me that like a thousand times.” 

His breathing became less ragged as he drifted off to sleep, but despite the sickness, I refused to let my eyes shut. I was flat on my back, simultaneously freezing and boiling as I ran a hand through my hair, trying to get the variations of drying blood out. I coughed, and someone rolled me onto my side and offered me water. When I looked up and realised it was Murphy, I froze. “Why are you helping me? I almost killed you.” 

“Doesn’t matter,” he replied. “Drink.” I glanced at the water suspiciously, before deciding I was too sick to care where it came from. My hands shook as I lifted the cup to my lips and Murphy held them steady to stop me from spilling it. 

“Thank you,” I whispered, forcing a smile. “I’m sorry they tried to hang you, by the way. But you had my punches coming— you were being a dick. Understandably, but still.” 

Murphy laughed, “Bygones. Call if you need anything.” 

I rolled over onto my other side, the pounding in my head getting worse even after the water. The more I looked up, the more my surroundings spun until I decided I couldn’t take it. Pushing up from the ground, the ‘sudden’ action made my symptoms all the more worse, no matter how much it felt like slow motion. I grabbed hold of the ladder and pulled myself to my feet. Five steps would probably be all it took until I was at the dropship wall, I just had to manage five steps. 

One. I managed one step before falling to my knees and yelping in pain, Murphy was by my side in seconds. “Alyssa, what the hell are you doing?” 

“The wall. I want to sit by the wall,” I coughed.

He grabbed my arm and slung it over his shoulders, allowing me to walk the remaining four steps. I thanked him again as he set me down on the recently vacated blanket that formerly belonged to one of the unlucky ones who didn’t handle the sickness as well as the others. Murphy tried to get me to lie down but I resisted, instead sitting upright with my back flat against the wall. “No, upright.” 

“You need to rest, Alyssa. It’s the only way you’ll get better.” 

I laughed, but the sound that came out resembled less a laugh, more of an animal getting shot. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” 

“If you don’t sleep, you _will_ be dead,” urged Murphy. 

“That’s unfortunate then.”

I looked over as Clarke took a few steady steps out of the hammock she had been sleeping in. She had begun to get better and almost instantly had resumed her job of taking care of everyone. Clarke sat down next to Bellamy as he woke up, offering him water and I overheard part of their conversation. I wasn’t able to fully concentrate, but I heard “Jasper”, “Finn” and “bomb” and I desperately hoped they’d come through before we all died. 

It was too soon, but I could almost already imagine the sound of war drums as the Grounders marched the camp, killing everyone inside. _No_ , I thought to myself. _I trust them_. _They can do this_. Admittedly— although it’s not something I’d say to his face, I take pride in being the sharpest shooter here— Jasper’s as good a shot as me. He could pull this off, as long as he didn’t overestimate his abilities he’d be fine. Now is _not_ the best time for his newly grown ego to be taken down a few pegs. Not when there was this much on the line. 

An explosion rang out, and I only partially heard it thanks to the blood that filled my left ear. There was a cheer, and I knew they had succeeded. Smiling, I relaxed slightly but still didn’t fall asleep. 

Murphy walked past to take a look outside, sighing when he saw me. “Still awake?” 

“What were you expecting?” I raised an eyebrow. 

He shook his head, “Stubborn bitch, you are.” But Murphy smiled a little as he said it. 

“I’m taking that as a compliment!” I called back, hoarsely. 

“Believe it or not, it was one,” he laughed. 

A few minutes after Murphy had left, Bellamy came in and sat down next to me. He raised his eyebrows, “Apparently you’re refusing to sleep?” 

I laughed, wiping blood from my mouth. “Sleep is not in my current vocabulary.”

“And why would that be?”

Rubbing my eyes, I yawned, further proving the point that one of the things I should be doing was _sleep_ : the precise thing that I was currently unwilling to do. “Let’s just say… I slayed my demons... and now they’ve come back to haunt me.”

“Nightmares?”

“Night _mare_. Singular. My shitty brain keeps forcing me to relive everything I went through during the little jobi nut incident. On repeat. In high definition. Rated F for _fucking kill me now_.” I sighed, wiping my mouth yet again. “I just wish it would go quiet. Let me catch some ‘Z’s in the ad breaks, you know?” 

Bellamy nodded. “I get it.” He put an arm around me and I leant into him. “But there’s a difference between getting killed and simply letting yourself die. And if you hide from the fear then you can’t beat it, and you’re letting this sickness kill you. You said it yourself, you’re willing to fight for your life. So fight.” 

“I can’t fight the Grounders if I’m asleep,” I moaned, tilting my head back against the wall. 

“Can’t fight the Grounders if you’re sick.” Bellamy countered, “Or dead.” He added. 

My eyes began to drift shut, and this time I didn’t fight it. _I am not afraid_ , I whispered to myself as I walked the corridors of the Ark alone. _And I am willing to fight_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If they did get together, their ship name would be Bellyssa. Just saying.


	12. The Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're a pain in my ass, Alyssa. You know that, right?"

Jasper sat at the foot of my tree, leaning back and sitting between the roots. “First watch is over,” he called up. “Are you gonna come down and let someone else take over?”

I laughed, pulling some leaves from the tree and sprinkling them over his head. He swatted them away, and I could tell he was pulling a face at me even though I couldn’t see it from above. “Didn’t you hear? I’m on my break, I just like it up here.” 

“That’s a lie, you never take breaks.” He grabbed a pine cone and tossed it up at me in retaliation for the leaves. I caught it, before tossing it back. 

“I hate how you know that,” I rolled my eyes. “Any contact from the Ark?” 

“Radio silence. It’s been down since Unity Day and Raven hasn’t been able to figure out why yet, she thinks it’s a problem at their end and not ours,” replied Jasper, putting his goggles on before looking up at me in case there was a threat of more leaves. 

Smiling, I decided to unbuckle the seatbelts I had keeping me in place. My balance was good enough, and since— for the first time in a while— I was running on a solid amount of sleep, there was no reason for them to be necessary. “What about the newest batch of Monty’s moonshine?” 

“He’s working on a new one right now, and it’s _good_.” He called back, nodding his head. “It’s been two days. Do you think it’s weird?”

“Do I think _what_ is weird?” 

“The Grounders. It’s been two days, do you think the bomb at the bridge scared them off?” 

I shrugged, before realising he wouldn’t be able to see that. “I don’t think so. Maybe it’s the calm before the storm? How’s the gunpowder going?”

“I think I can cook up a batch if I can get my hands on some sulfur… Raven said something about being able to turn some of it into landmines, which is pretty cool.”

Raven could build us landmines? That’s pretty frickin’ wicked. “Nice. I love when shit explodes… is that weird?”

Jasper laughed, shaking his head. “Not weird, I _also_ love when shit explodes. Wait... does that make us _both_ weird?”

I paused for a second and considered it before nodding. “Quite possibly.” 

~

It was early in the afternoon, the sun creeping down behind the low clouds as I sat by the big campfire. The flames provided warmth, but it wasn’t scorching so I was quite content with sitting on the long tree that some of the other hunters had moved into the centre of the camp upon Bellamy’s instructions. Of course, it helped that the tree was _my_ tree. _My original favourite tree_ , I laughed at the thought. But it was comfy, you know, for a tree. 

It’s not often anyone would witness me relaxing. To be honest, my guard is up almost 24/7 and my natural response to anything is to put a knife and/or bullet in it. But I had to admit since the nightmares stopped… the extra sleep has been helping. I’m less jumpy, less irritable (and nowhere near less sarcastic, but there was never any chance of that changing), less on edge. Something tells me I should’ve tried sleep a long time ago, but I’ve decided to overlook that since there’s nothing I can do about it now. All that was left today was to sit back, relax, eat and— 

“FIRE!”

 _Or not_ , I sighed, jumping up from my spot on the tree. I reached in a hand and helped Octavia as she rushed out of the foodshed, sitting her down so that she could catch her breath and breathe in non-smoky air. “Are you okay?” I asked, checking her hands and face for burns. She nodded, watching the blaze.

Murphy shot up, seizing Del by the jacket before punching him in the face. “This is all your fault! We told you it was too much wood!” 

Bellamy was between them before the third punch landed, pushing them apart. “Hey! Save it for the Grounders,” he shouted as he gave them one final push to send them further away from each other. 

“Well, now what the hell are we gonna do?” Octavia gestured to the fire. “That was _all_ the food!” 

_Well, shit._

~

“We can’t defend ourselves if we’re starving, so even if there is a Grounder army out there we need to hunt. Every group takes someone with a gun, and they’re for killing Grounders, _not_ food. We don’t have the ammo. Is that clear? Use the spears for hunting. Get what you can and be back by nightfall. No one stays out after dark.” Bellamy ordered, his voice low and final. Everyone understood how important it was, and we couldn’t risk getting caught out by Grounders, not when they knew the woods better.

I grabbed a gun and paired up with the first person I could find that didn’t already have a gun. “Jones, right?” I asked, trying to be nice. “You want to go in a group?”

He shrugged, considering it. “Sure. Are you going to have the gun or should I?”

“Since I’m already holding one, I’ll have it.” I made a strap using the seatbelt that I had left around my waist and lifted it over my head, securing it. “You ready to go?” 

Jones nodded as he grabbed a spear. “Now I am. Let’s go.” 

We walked along comfortably, but I still prayed to myself. _Please don’t try to make small talk, please don’t try to make small talk._ Me and small talk? Doesn’t mix. Never a good combo. Unless we are having an actual conversation, for an actual reason other than just to fill the time, I usually end up insulting whoever is foolish enough to make the attempt. 

All hope was lost when Jones opened his mouth. “You want to hear how I ended up in the SkyBox?”

“Mhm,” I kept the words (and insults) to a minimum. 

He looked down at the ground, spotting the tracks. Looked like hooves. Too small to be one of the Grounders’ horses, which meant… boar? Deer? I vaguely remembered hearing about a two-headed deer, wondering if it would taste any different to a single-headed deer before realising I’d never actually had single-headed deer… _regular_ deer anyway, so it’s not like it mattered.

“Vandalism. Something as stupid as vandalism.” Jones sighed.

I laughed, “Everything could be a crime on the Ark if it’s taken the wrong way. Hell, _breathing_ wrong could probably get you floated, the council members were so on edge.”

“What did you do, breathe wrong?” He joked, leading the way and following the deer tracks. 

I bit my lip before admitting. “Murder, actually.”

Jones’ eyebrows shot up, “Really?” He narrowed his eyes at me, “How good of an idea is it for you to be the one carrying the gun?” 

“How much do you want to survive a Grounder attack?” I shot back.

He laughed, nodding. “That’s a fair point.” A twig cracked and we both spun around, searching for the source of the noise and praying that it wasn’t a Grounder. “See anything?” Jones whispered as he moved, making us back to back. 

“Nope.” My gun was raised, just in case, but I lowered it slightly as I pulled my knife out and put it so that I was holding it between my teeth. On the off chance that whatever this was _wasn’t_ hostile, I’d rather not waste bullets. Unfortunately, nothing on the ground is easy. And we weren’t going to be lucky this time. It wasn’t a Grounder... unless they’d taken up commando crawling through the shrubs on the forest floor— which I doubted. And unless the deer had decided to do that too, I had a sneaking suspicion that this was neither. 

“I might be wrong, but I think we’re in a little bit of trouble.” Jones hissed as we slowly rotated, trying to get a view of all of our surroundings, unable to place _exactly_ where the sound had come from. 

The bushes rustled to our side and I froze, sneaking a glance out of the corner of my eye. Two yellow eyes stared back at me and I realised exactly what it was. The bushes gave one final rustle as the scaly black panther thing lunged. “SPLIT!” I screamed, just having enough time to push Jones backwards as I dived forwards, the large cat soaring between us and luckily enough just missing. I got up, ignoring the pain in my knee from the rough landing. 

Turning around, I saw that Jones was getting to his feet as the big cat lunged again. He spun around, moving behind the tree so that the cat missed. Screw a waste of bullets, I raised the gun. Two shots. That’s the maximum I’m going to use. “One of us is going to have to kill it!” I called to him, stamping my foot to distract it momentarily. “We can’t outrun it.” 

The cat advanced, and I took a step back as I raised the gun again. It would’ve been a clear shot if I hadn’t factored in the fact that we were in a forest. _A forest that is most definitely trying to kill us._ I hit the tree root on the floor and stumbled, my legs flying out from under me as I landed on my back. One shot went off from the gun and I winced. If the Grounders didn’t know where we were before, they _sure_ did now. 

I readjusted my position, scuttling backwards on the floor as Jones appeared from around the tree with his spear held up. I fired one more shot but it only grazed the cat’s side, injuring it but only on the surface. It’s paw swiped, clawing at my jacket and I turned the gun around, flicking the safety on and swinging the gun like a bat. The action made my shoulder feel like it was on fire and a strangled noise came out of my mouth. I raised my other arm to shield my face but just as I felt like it was about to strike, the cat fell to the side, Jones’ spear sticking out of it. 

Letting out a sigh of relief, I held out a hand for Jones to help me up. He took it, pulling me to my feet. “Shit,” he breathed. 

“Impressive aim,” I laughed, looking down at the impaled cat by our feet before turning my head back to him. “Thank you.” 

He paused, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. “Thanks, but one question…” Jones nudged the dead cat with his foot. “How the _hell_ are we going to get this back to camp?” 

~

We managed to carry the panther by using the seatbelt I had strapped to my gun and Jones’ spear. He dropped the cat just inside the entrance to camp and I nodded to him with a smile as I walked towards the dropship. “Hey Monty!” I called out, spotting the boy before he could go into his tent. “Clarke back yet?” 

“No… she went out hunting with Finn and Myles and they’ve not come back yet. Do you need help with something?” He replied as he began to walk over. 

Without saying anything, I turned around and heard a sharp intake of breath from Monty as he saw my shoulder. Considering I hadn’t seen what it looked like, it wasn’t giving me the best impression. “This is very inconvenient. This was my good shoulder!” I complained, watching Monty’s small smile. He nodded towards the dropship and I followed him inside as he went up the ladder. 

“You have a bad shoulder?” He asked.

I laughed, “I do now.” I looked the ladder up and down, lifting my good arm towards the rungs. “On second thought, I’ll stay down here until Clarke gets back. Have you seen Bellamy?” 

“I think he went into his tent about ten minutes ago.” 

“Thanks, Monty.” 

Sighing I tried to remember which tent was Bellamy’s as I rolled my shoulder, wincing in pain. The only damage was on the surface but the cuts scratched against the ragged fabric where the jacket was torn and I cursed inwardly. I happened to quite like this jacket. I looked around and spotted Bellamy’s tent. It was barely nightfall so at least he wouldn’t be asleep. I pushed open the tent flap and ducked inside. 

To find Bellamy _and_ Raven. 

Under a blanket.

Together.

_Naked._

“Oh… my… _fuck_.” I covered my eyes with the hand attached to my good arm. “Well, this is an awkward turn of events.” 

Raven pulled on her shirt, “Shit, ever heard of knocking?” 

“It’s a fucking _tent_ , what the hell am I supposed to do? Clap? Blow a foghorn?” I sniped to cover up the fact that I was completely, utterly, _irreversibly mortified._ Raven sighed, pushing past me on her way out. 

Bellamy laughed, “You can open your eyes now.” He had pulled on a shirt and trousers quite quickly, leaving his hair more rumpled than usual. 

I removed my hand, using it to massage my temples in an attempt to _erase_ whatever I had just seen. Although if Bellamy _had_ felt like not putting a shirt back on then I’d probably be annoyingly okay with that. “It’s a camp full of horny teenagers with no adults in sight so of _course_ someone was bound to walk in on someone else at some point, I was just really hoping it wouldn’t be me.” 

“Could’ve been worse,” he smirked. 

“You’re right,” I glared at him before smiling, “It could’ve been your sister instead of me.” Bellamy’s eyes widened, horrified at the thought and I tilted my head back in laughter. Now we were even, I could actually talk about why I came here. “The rest of the hunters got back and Clarke, Finn, and Myles weren’t with them. Which is shit, because I need Clarke’s expertise. I was wondering if you knew when they’d be back.” 

“What for?” He asked. I turned around, pointing to the back of my left shoulder. “Wow. _How_ did you manage that?” 

“Giant scaly black panther thing. We brought it back for the food store. I wasted two bullets, sorry.” I shrugged, realising a little too late that it wasn’t the best movement to do right now as my shoulder twinged in pain. 

Bellamy rolled his eyes, “You’re alive, so I guess it wasn’t _that_ much of a waste.”

“One of the bullets hit a tree, so I definitely wasted that one.”

He scratched the back of his neck, “If they’re not back soon, I’ll find someone who’s qualified to help you with that. In the meantime, since you seem to have a magnetic pull to danger, I’d rather you didn’t go out hunting any time soon. Watch shifts only.” 

I nodded, “Okay, I’m a little tired anyway so I might get some rest. A wise friend of mine told me it would be a good idea.” 

Bellamy tried to hide his smile, “That _is_ a good idea, your friend clearly knows what he’s talking about.” 

“He’s a bit of an ass, but his heart’s in the right place and he’s got great hair.” I made a vague gesture with my hand as I tried to hide my own grin. 

“Your friend…” he bit his lip, “Do I know him?” 

I wrinkled my nose in deep thought before shaking my head, replying “Nah, you know what? I don’t think so,” and walking out the open tent flap. 

~

An hour later and I had managed to get myself onto the second floor of the dropship, but not without a bit of pain. I sat not too close to the wall, watching Raven and Monty work on the walkie-talkies. I waited, until Monty disappeared downstairs, to bring up earlier— although it was awkward as all hell. 

“So… you and Bellamy, huh?” The glare she gave me in response was so fiery that if there was any hydrazine on hand she could’ve blown up the whole camp _and then some_. I raised one hand in surrender. “Just wondering, believe me— I’d forget if I could.” 

She shook her head, a small smile appearing that she couldn’t seem to fight back. “I’m just trying to get over Finn. It was a one-time thing.” Raven looked up and noticed how I rolled my shoulder uncomfortably. She sighed, “I’m no medic, and I’m _certainly_ not Clarke…” her voice was tinged with jealousy for a second there, “But let me take a look at that for you.”

I turned around to allow her to sit behind me. She crossed her legs and let out a low whistle. “Damn, you’re a mess.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes, even though she wouldn’t have seen. Tutting, Raven touched the wound and I flinched. She shook her head, “We need to take this jacket off, and judging by the amount of movement you have… either you’re going to be in pain, or we’ll have to cut it off.” 

Cursing, I took a piece of the jacket in my right hand. “I’ll take the pain, I like this jacket and I’ll freeze to death without it.” 

“Including the gaping hole in the back?” 

“I’ll fix that when it becomes a problem,” I laughed. 

Raven helped me ease my good arm out first, before prying the material away from the wound and slowly tugging it off my other arm. She lifted up the end of my braid and moved it over my shoulder so it hung down at the front instead of in the way. I sighed, realising how much it was covered in blood. “Screw this,” not bothered enough to want to clean it out, and not knowing when I’d next have the time… I pulled out my knife, put the end of the braid in my mouth to hold it and sliced three inches off the bottom before tossing the loose hair onto the floor. 

She laughed, cleaning the wound with alcohol. “Well, that’s certainly one way to do it.” I flinched as she touched the alcohol-soaked cloth to cuts and squeezed my hand around the handle of my knife to get through it, my arms shaking slightly. Raven snaked one arm around my side to grab my hand and hold it steady, her other hand still blotting at the blood. It let me relax a little, but I was careful not to squeeze her hand too tightly— she needed it for the walkies and in general. 

Once Raven had finished cleaning it, she put a makeshift bandage on and handed me back my jacket. It’s not like I was going to put it back on anytime soon anyway, _especially_ with the noticeable gaping hole in the back that could now be used to show off the hopefully cool looking scar I’d have after this experience. I mean, if you can’t get a badass looking scar out of an injury then there is clearly no positive to any injury-related situation. She handed me a cup of what I thought was water, but as soon as I took a sip I realised it was moonshine, and it went down all the more quickly. I fashioned myself a sling to keep the arm in place for now before I could go down the ladder and hopefully get something to eat. 

“Hey, Raven?” I called back with only my head visible through the hatch. “When I’m healed, if you still need someone to help you get over that cheating jackass of an ex… I’m always around.” I winked as she laughed.

“I may take you up on that offer.”

My food-related dreams were shattered when I ran into a worried-looking Monty on my way down, and I backtracked to let him come up first. “All of the hunters are back now, except Clarke and Finn. They were with Myles and all three of them are still out there. We’re going to look for them now.”

“Shit,” I slung my jacket over my injured shoulder and shuffled until it hung around my other side, pulling it into place with my teeth before securing both sides together with a hairband. I realised it made it look a little like a cape and laughed. “Well, let’s go.” I transferred the knives that were previously in my jacket to various places on my trousers and slipped one into my sling.

Before anyone had a chance to argue with me, I climbed back down the ladder to get a gun. I reached for one at the same time as Bellamy, who turned around with the look of an overprotective parent. “No. No way. Alyssa, absolutely not.” 

I raised an eyebrow, “What? It’s not like I’m not coming.” 

“You’re not coming.” He folded his arms, purposefully putting the gun down so that he could do so.

Laughing, I picked it up. “Like that saying that would ever stop me.” 

“You’re _not_ coming.” 

“I’m going to grab some food, and I’ll meet you by the gate in five minutes,” I winked. 

Bellamy called out after me as I left the dropship, “Alyssa, you’re _not_ coming.” 

I gave him a mock salute before disappearing from sight, grabbing a couple more knives and stashing them in various pouches I had attached to my trousers and jacket. Five minutes later, I caught Bellamy on his way out of the gate. 

He put a hand on my good shoulder and gave me a hard look and a very stern, “ _No._ ” 

“I can be just as useful with only one hand,” I smirked. “Exhibit A: sneak attack concealed sling knife.” He looked downwards to see my good hand poised just below his chin, tapping it with a knife I had hidden in my sling. “Slings are _very_ useful for this kind of thing. And it would be rude to disarm me ‘cause I’m injured,” I whispered, my grin contrasting completely with his unimpressed look. 

Bellamy folded his arms for the second time in ten minutes. “You are not leaving this camp injured.” 

“Clarke, Finn, and Myles are out there!” I complained, “They're my friends and I want to help. If I take the sling off, can I come?” His exasperated look told me that the answer had not changed. So I reverted to Plan B. “You know that as soon as you leave, I’ll probably follow you out there anyway right? And catch up when we’re too far from camp for you to send me back.” 

He glowered at me, his forehead creasing. “I have to go after them, so what’s it gonna take to make you stay?” 

I sighed, “If only I had a slightly taller friend with _two working arms_ that could have my back with _his_ gun while we searched for them. But in all seriousness, Blake, what are we doing standing around? Time is of the essence! We have friends to rescue! Priorities!” I marched off into the woods in the direction the others had left in only moments earlier, and within a minute he had caught up. 

“This is a stupid idea, and you are going to get yourself killed,” he sighed, raking a hand through his hair and listening in to the walkie-talkie. “You’re a pain in my ass, Alyssa. You know that right?”

“Someone’s gotta keep you in line. Plus, it adds value. I'm very entertaining.” I shrugged, hiding my smile. “Now at _least_ let me carry the walkie, and you can be in charge of the gun.” 

Bellamy conceded, passing it over. “Just out of curiosity, how many knives are you actually carrying right now? Or is it just the one ‘sneak attack concealed sling knife’.” 

“Just the one knife? I’m disappointed that you think so little of me!” I gasped with mock hurt. “I have several knives on my person right now.” 

“How many?”

“ _Several_.”

“How many is ‘several’?”

“If you’re lucky, you won’t find out,” I nudged him with my good arm and he shook his head, just as the walkie-talkie crackled into life in my hand. 

Monty’s voice echoed through it, “I thought you said you were heading west, where are you?” 

I handed the walkie back to Bellamy so he could answer, not entirely sure where we were myself. “Just keep the moon on your left and you’ll find us,” he replied.

“Is anyone else hearing this signal?” Monty asked, clearly distracted. “I think it’s the same one we heard on the black box.” 

“Dammit Monty, pay attention,” Bellamy hissed. “Do you see anything?” The radio went silent, he urged, “Monty, report.” But a signal screeched and the walkie went dead on his end. 

“There’s someone in the bushes,” Raven’s voice echoed out from the walkie-talkie. I listened as she pulled the bushes back, ready to shoot. There was a pause, and then… “Myles? What happened?” We found her quickly, with Octavia and Myles. The only person we were missing was Monty. “Clarke and Finn, where are they?” She asked as she checked him over. There was an arrow sticking out of his upper body and another one in his right leg, just below the knee.

“Grounders,” he choked out. 

Bellamy knelt down next to him, “Hey, take it easy.” He turned to the rest of us, “We have to get him back to camp.”

Octavia shot her brother a look, “Bell, what about Clarke and Finn?”

“Raven, I’m sorry,” Bellamy replied sincerely.

I looked around, “We need to make a stretcher,” before holding up the walkie-talkie again and speaking into it. “Monty, we’re heading home. Do you copy? Monty, can you hear me?” We shared a look. “Monty?” 

Bellamy grabbed Octavia’s walkie and tried again. “Monty? Where the hell are you? Monty?”

Nothing.

_Monty, where the hell have you gone?_


	13. We Are Grounders - Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It was stupid! It was reckless! It was... it was..."
> 
> "Something you would do?"

Landmines. Jasper came through with the gunpowder and there were multiple landmines currently being placed around the outside of camp. I took note of where they all were, but it was disappointing that I couldn’t sit in my tree and watch from there. Can’t exactly climb a tree with a still-healing shoulder, can I? 

Still, the sling _did_ have its perks. I could store pretty much anything in there and get away with it. A knife (or multiple), food, supplies. It didn’t pull too much on the shoulder, kept it in place, and everything was pretty lightweight so it didn’t make that much of a difference. Should I have gotten into a fight with a panther weeks ago? No, because that would be _stupid_. But I do like the sling, and that’s a fact.

On one hand, I hoped it wouldn’t come to any of the landmines being set off. On the _other_ hand, I really wanted to see something get blown up. It’s been days since I’ve seen a decent explosion, and I need to make up for lost time on all the explosions I _could’ve_ seen on the Ark, but didn’t, because it’s a spaceship. And blowing things up on a spaceship is _bad_ , or so I’ve been told. It’s also pretty hard to install a landmine when you only really have one working arm, and since Bellamy didn’t want me accidentally blowing anyone up, I was left watching from the sidelines. I sighed, walking towards the dropship to check on the kid they brought back, Myles.

I spotted a knife on the side and glanced at it to see if it had any identification before _borrowing_ it and slipping it up my sleeve. Someone coughed behind me and I spun around, not realising anyone was there. I rolled my eyes, it was only Bellamy. And he didn’t seem too keen to see me, or anyone else for that matter. He already had bags under his eyes and it was clear he still hadn’t slept since we brought in Myles, and it was almost four in the morning by now. Using that logic meant _I_ should be sleeping too, but I elected to ignore that fact. I tilted my head to the side, trying to read his expression. 

“What?” He snapped, putting his head in his hands. “Don’t you think I want to go after them too?” 

Sighing, I sat down. “If it was you out there, do you think Monty, Clarke, or Finn, would hide behind these walls?” 

“No. They’d go after me. Then they’d be dead, too. I am doing what I think is right for the group,” he urged. 

“The group?” I scoffed, “What if it was Octavia, huh? You’d go to the ends of the earth to find her, hell— _you already did_. And that kid over there?” I nodded at Myles, lowering my voice. “He could die without Clarke’s proper medical attention. If she isn’t here, we’re probably all dead anyway so if you think you’re doing what’s best for the _group_ , then you’re very much mistaken.” Sighing, I stalked off. Great, now if it was too awkward to go back in there, there was nothing else I could do. I had to wait until he left.

It wasn’t long before Bellamy left, presumably to get water for Myles. I had a quick window to go in and upstairs to the second level before he got back. I really hoped he’d change his mind, we really can’t survive without Clarke, Monty, and Finn. I walked in about to grab the ladder with my good arm but I took a step back to let Jasper come down first. Murphy was in the corner, attending to Myles and as Jasper came down the ladder, he paused, watching. Murphy was standing there, staring, but not in a surprised way. And Myles was no longer breathing. It wasn’t hard to see the lack of rising and falling in his chest, and it was even easier to see the plastic bag in Murphy’s hand that he’d used to suffocate him. He spun around, his eyes taking in me, and then Jasper. 

Jasper’s eyes met mine and he slowly descended the ladder, completely calm to not give anything away before he glanced at the gun, making a break for it. Murphy was closer and he grabbed it, aiming it at the two of us. Jasper raised his hands, trying to reason with him. “Murphy, just put the gun down.” 

My hand disappeared into my sleeve, fingers closing around the knife. I was hoping it wouldn’t have to come for that. 

“He tried to kill me,” Murphy looked at Myles, the gun still trained on us. Jasper and I began to back away slowly, before attempting to make a run for the door. “Hey, don’t move.” He spat.

“Ok, ok. It’s cool,” Jasper lied.

Murphy sighed, “No it’s not. You know what’ll happen to me if you tell Bellamy.” 

“And if you kill us, that’s sending him a pretty loud fucking message, Murphy. Are you sure about that?” I glared at him.

A radio crackled into life, Bellamy’s voice slightly muffled through Jasper’s pocket. “Tell Bellamy what?” I turned to Jasper, impressed with the tactic but also worried about what it might have done. Apparently Jasper hadn't been expecting a reply, because his other fist clenched. Having Murphy realise the walkie-talkie was in his pocket _clearly_ wasn’t part of the plan. 

Murphy changed tactics slightly, pointing the gun at _me_ while he spoke to Jasper, whose eyes kept flicking between the gun and me standing next to him. “Give me the radio, Jasper.” 

Jasper pulled the radio out of his pocket and slowly lifted it into the air, before quickly speaking into it to Bellamy, “Murphy has a gun. He killed Myles.” 

Cursing, Murphy slammed the other end of the rifle into Jasper’s head, knocking him to the ground. That _had_ to have hurt. “Asshole,” I muttered, just loud enough for him to hear before kneeling down next to Jasper. I checked his pulse, he was fine for now, just unconscious. My eyes trailed over to the walkie-talkie still in his hand and I wondered if I’d be able to reach for it before he could grab it. Unfortunately, Bellamy’s next words drew too much attention to it, and my hand hovering next to it. 

“Murphy, what the hell are you doing?” 

I froze, my hand inches from the radio as Murphy and I locked eyes. I grabbed it, about to press the button to speak when he slammed the gun into me. If only it had knocked me out, instead of pushing me to the ground and giving me a bloody nose and one bitch of a headache. He walked over the top of me while I was lying on the ground groaning and pulled the lever for the door. The door made a creaking noise as it slowly lifted upwards to shut, and I heard Bellamy call out from the other side but to no avail. 

“You try to be a hero, they both die.” Murphy spat back, the door slamming shut. He grabbed me first, since I was still conscious, and sat me in a chair, tying the ropes around my good wrist, and then another around my bad arm. He did it without looking at my face, not watching me wince as he pulled them tighter. “I want the knife, you’re not escaping.” 

“Knife?” I asked, biting my lip.

“ _All_ of them,” he glared at me, holding out his hand. 

I sighed as he tied up Jasper, sitting him next to me. “You know you’re going to have to untie my arm for that right? I’m certainly not letting you dig around yourself.” 

He loosened the ropes on my good arm enough for me to hand him one of the knives from my cargo pants. _What a gentleman_ , I rolled my eyes. He raised an eyebrow before tossing it on the ground on the other side of the room, giving me a stern look. I sighed, pulling out the other knives from my pants. 

“I’m not fucking around, I know there’s at least three more.” Murphy waited impatiently while I reached down, narrowing my eyes at him as I took out the knife from my boot, the knife from my sling, and the knife strapped to the lining of my jacket. “Is that all of them?” 

I glanced around the room, refusing to meet his eyes. Murphy grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Give me the knife, Alyssa,” he said exasperatedly, causing me to scowl and flip him the bird with my injured hand. The tugging pain in my shoulder was _worth it_. 

“You really want the last knife? It’s my last one, and I’m saving it for a rainy day.” I complained, moving away from his hand. “You seriously want it?” 

“Give me the knife,” he held out his hand again. 

I smirked, “You asked for it,” I pulled the hand already holding the knife out of my sleeve and stabbed it through the only part of Murphy I could reach, the hand he had outstretched. The small blade went straight through his hand and he howled in pain, knocking over the chair I was on and causing the gun to misfire. The chair hit the ground but didn’t break, and I yelped at my own shoulder pain as it made contact. “Murphy, you asshat!” I groaned as he wrapped his hand in a bandage, blood soaking through it. 

“Says the bitch who just stabbed me!” 

“You’re holding me and my friend hostage, can you _blame_ me?” I shot back as he pulled the chair back upright with his good arm. 

“JASPER! ALYSSA!” Bellamy shouted through the radio. “What’s going on in there?” 

Murphy held the gun up again, aiming it at Jasper as he picked up the radio. “It’s just a misfire, they’re both fine.” 

“I want to hear that from them.” 

He held the radio towards me, just out of reach to allow me to reply. “It’s okay. We’re still breathing.” 

“Try that again and you won’t be,” Murphy said quietly after turning off the walkie. “Try _anything_ else, and Jasper dies.”

“You shoot him, and _you_ die,” I replied. Jasper groaned, slowly waking up. I nudged him with my hand before Murphy could tie it back up. “I want to make one thing clear, Murphy. So listen here you lying murdering piece of shit, if you lay a hand on him, hell— a _finger_ would probably set me off, but if you touch him I don’t care what you do, I swear to fucking god, Murphy I will kill you.”

“You see, Alyssa, that’s what I like about you. You’re fierce, loyal, but when it comes down to it… it’s all talk, because you’re not willing to do anything that would actually risk Jasper’s life— or anyone’s, for that fact. You know _exactly_ when to stop.” He laughed, “But when it comes to yourself, you don’t seem to have that restraint. It’s interesting.”

My head was down, but I lifted it up to look at him. “I will kill you. Do whatever you want to me, I don’t care. But if you touch him, I _will_ kill you.” I spoke calmly, even though Murphy was a wildcard and it didn’t matter what I thought, he would probably be able to surprise me. He gagged me and Jasper with seatbelts and paced the room.

The walkie-talkie crackled as Bellamy spoke through it, “Murphy, I know you can hear me. All our ammo and food is in the middle level, you know that. You’re leaving us vulnerable to an attack. I can’t let that happen.”

Murphy grabbed the walkie, “Yeah, well in case you haven’t noticed, you’re not exactly in control right now.” 

“Come on, Murphy,” Bellamy’s voice came out quietly through the small radio, surrounded by static. “You don’t want to hurt them, you want to hurt me.” I looked over at Jasper and just about managed to grab his hand, squeezing it reassuringly. He nodded, giving it a light squeeze back to let me know he understood. “So what do you say? How about you trade them for me? All you have to do is let them go, and I’ll take their place.” 

I could see Murphy considering it. He looked at us, it didn’t look like he actually wanted to kill us, but I wouldn’t put it past him if he had to. In that moment I certainly wouldn’t mind being let loose on him. If it wasn’t for Jasper I probably would’ve done something stupid that would’ve ended up potentially killing Murphy _and_ myself in the process. “How?” he asked into the walkie.

“Simple, you open the door, I walk in, they walk out.” 

My grip on Jasper’s hand tightened, the only thing stopping me from exploding into a fiery ball of anger. There was nothing I wanted more than to get my hand free and throw my one remaining knife straight into one of Murphy’s vital organs. My bad shoulder ached, the hand strapped to the chair put it at an awkward angle and it was more than a little uncomfortable. I clenched my fist, even though it hurt to do so, my nails digging into my palm so much I didn’t doubt there’d still be marks there later.

Murphy thought about the offer, looking at us, looking at the walkie, before finally striding towards the door. He pulled the lever and the door slowly began to creak open. _No, Bellamy no_ , I thought. Murphy would kill him and we _need_ him. “Just you, Bellamy,” he called through the slowly-opening door. “Unarmed. Ten seconds or I’ll put one in Jasper’s leg.” 

“Like hell you will!” I shouted at him, but my voice was muffled by the gag. 

“One… Two… Three… Four… Five…” Murphy counted, stopping at five as Bellamy ducked under the parachute covering the doorway and walked in, arms raised. Murphy grabbed Jasper first, tearing him out of the chair and throwing him through the door. I had one chance to look at Bellamy for possibly the last time as Murphy did the same to me. 

I rolled down the door, yelping in pain with each turn that my shoulder hit the ground. Octavia knelt down next to Jasper, untying him quickly and pulling him to his feet before cutting through my restraints and standing me up too. As soon as my hands were free, I pulled the gag down, breathing heavily. “Tell me he didn't go in there without a plan.” I turned to Octavia.

“We’re sending Raven in from underneath, she might be able to access the circuitry and open the door,” she whispered. 

“I’m coming too,” Jasper nodded. “He’s in there because of me.” 

“What can I do to help?” I asked worriedly, clenching and unclenching my fist to direct the waves of anger and anxiety that swept through my body, trying to focus on something other than the fact that Bellamy was in _there_ , with _Murphy_. And not only did Murphy have a gun, but he also had access to the dozen knives I’d had to leave behind. 

Raven returned, hearing the tail end of the conversation. “Nothing, for now. I’m about to go in.” She was joined by Jasper and they disappeared around the back of the dropship. 

“Shit. _Shit._ Goddammit!” I yelled, frustrated. “He could die in there and it could be my fault.”

Octavia grabbed my good arm, pulling me towards her. “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault. Whatever Murphy does is no one’s fault other than Murphy.” 

“You don’t understand, Octavia. He could be killed by one of _my knives_. Murphy took them all off me. They’re all in there. All but this one—” I threw the knife at the nearest tree and it stayed there, sticking out of the wood— “If anything happens to him in there that doesn’t involve getting shot then _that’s on me_. I gave Murphy a wide range of things for him to stab with, and if he uses any of them then that’s going to be my fault.” I shook her off before I grabbed what was left of the sling, tearing it off and throwing it on the ground, not caring about the pain I was in. 

She grabbed me again, forcing me to face her. “Raven’s plan will work, we just have to—” A gunshot rang out, cutting her off. Octavia picked up the walkie-talkie, fear plastered all over her face. “Bellamy? Bellamy are you okay? Bellamy, do you copy?”

 _Shit. Shit. Shit._ I put my head in my hands wanting to hit something but unable to find the energy. “Murphy you son of a bitch, I’ll kill you!” I shouted, fully knowing that they wouldn’t be able to hear from inside. Other than my own ragged breaths as my heart beat faster and faster, the blood rushing to my head and making it pound like there was a whole fucking brass band up there, everything was silent.

A pause. “I’m fine. Just a misfire. Now stop worrying about me and get back to work. And tell Raven to hurry her ass up,” Bellamy replied, his tone unable to reveal anything that was going on in there except that he sounded slightly worried. _Dammit Raven, what is taking so long?_

Octavia breathed a sigh of relief and I turned around to face everyone else. “He’s in there with Murphy alone to save me and Jasper, and you’re going to let the rest of us die at the hands of the Grounders? You heard him, back to work— _all of you_!” I shouted, hoping the crowd would disperse. It didn’t. The last thing Murphy needs is the satisfaction of an audience. 

Another gunshot rang out, and Octavia held her breath. I grabbed her hand and did the same, unable to tell if her hand was squeezing mine or if it was the other way round. Six more shots rang out, and I realised Murphy had used up all the ammo he had. The gun was no longer an option, which meant he could be reaching for any one of my knives any second. 

We had no idea what was happening inside, but Raven did it and the door began to open. Jasper went in first with his gun raised and Octavia followed straight after. It took every ounce of strength I had not to crumple to my knees when I saw him, and instead look for a way to help.

_Murphy had tried to hang him._

Jasper grabbed Bellamy’s legs, lifting him upwards to relieve the pressure on his neck. I looked around until I found the knives he’d taken from me, grabbing the first one I could as Octavia unhooked the seatbelts and her brother fell to the ground, taking Jasper with him. They knelt down next to him, pulling the noose off from around his neck and trying to get him to breathe. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Octavia whispered as he began to breathe slow, raspy breaths. 

Bellamy staggered to his feet, “MURPHY!” He shouted as loud as he could, which considering the circumstances was not actually very loud. The moment I realised he was alright I started to throw everything I had at the hatch between the levels. Bellamy moved me out the way and tried to open it himself, pushing on the hatch as it fought against whatever was pressing it down. “MURPHY! It’s over! There’s only one way out of this for you now.” He pushed on the hatch, trying to get it open but only managing after the explosion shook the dropship. 

The hatch popped open and we climbed the ladder to see a hole blown in the side of the dropship using most of our gunpowder supply. Bellamy rushed to the hole, looking out of it with Jasper close behind. 

“The guy sure knows how to make an exit,” said Jasper. “Should we go after him?”

I replied, “Yes!” at the same time as Bellamy countered with a much calmer “No.” Taken aback, I turned around to face him. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Grounders will take care of him.” He replied, but I was already loading a rifle with bullets, wincing as I held it in position against the hole. “Don’t,” he put a hand on my back. “Murphy’s not worth it.” 

I lined the shot up with the figure as he ran away, knowing it would be a waste of bullets, knowing that it wouldn't change anything. I fired one shot, hoping it landed, but if we had the ammo I would’ve shot a hundred, anything that reduced his chance of getting away. I slammed the gun down, my fist cracking against the wall of the dropship as I cursed. 

“Besides,” Bellamy whispered. “We’re going after Clarke, Finn, and Monty. You guys were right, we don’t abandon our own. Two guns—” he pointed at Jasper and himself— “you and me. Raven stays here to build up defences, and Alyssa's injured.” 

I spun around, “I’m sorry, what? I’ll have you know I’m mighty pissed right now, and if I get the chance to whoop some Grounder ass I’m _taking_ it.” My shoulder still hurt, but I ignored it. There were more important things to think about. 

“We lost a day because of this, and our gunpowder. We need to go now. Raven—” He got cut off by Jasper who put a hand out to stop him. 

“Bellamy, wait. Look, I just…” He threw his arms around Bellamy quickly in a hug which after a second of hesitation, he reciprocated. “Thank you.” Jasper stayed there for a moment, before stepping back and wiping his face. He laughed, “Long way from whatever the hell you want, huh?” which caused Bellamy to laugh slightly too.

Miller’s voice crackled into recognition on the walkie-talkie, “All gunners! We got movement outside the south wall!” 

I shared a look with the two boys before climbing down the ladder first. We raced to the wall but someone held a hand up, stopping us. “Hold your fire! It’s Clarke and Finn, open the gate!” 

The rest of the gunners slowly opened the gate wide enough for Clarke and Finn to come through. Clarke got in first, leaning over slightly to catch her breath. “Hey, we heard an explosion. What happened?” 

My hands curled into fists, before spitting out with all the venom I possibly could, “Murphy happened.” 

“Thank god,” Jasper came at a run and grabbed Clarke into a hug. She was surprised at first but she hugged him back almost instantly. He let go to grab her shoulders and have a look at her, “Where have you been? Where’s Monty?” Jasper looked around.

Clarke’s face fell, “Wait, Monty’s gone?”

“Clarke,” Finn pulled on her arm, “We need to leave, now. All of us do.” He turned to the group, “There’s an army of Grounders coming at us like nothing we’ve ever seen, we need to pack our bags and run.”

I laughed, “Like hell we do. We knew this was coming!” 

Octavia shook her head, “We’re not prepared.”

“And they’re not here yet! We still have time to get ready,” Bellamy fought. “Besides, where would we go? Where would we be safer than behind these walls?”

“There’s an ocean to the east. People there will help us,” Finn explained.

Octavia’s eyes widened. “You saw Lincoln?” Finn nodded.

“You expect us to trust a Grounder?” Bellamy recoiled as if he was unable to believe how stupid they were being. “This is our home now. We built this from nothing with our bare hands!” He pointed, “Our dead are buried behind that wall in this ground! _Our_ ground! The Grounders think they can take that away? They think that because we came from the sky, we don’t belong here. But they’re yet to realise one very important fact: we are on the ground now. And that means WE are grounders!”

“Grounders with guns,” I smirked, willing to fight.

Bellamy agreed, “Damn right! I say let ‘em come!” 

“Bellamy’s right, if we leave we may never find a place as safe as this. And god knows, in this world we could be faced with something even worse tomorrow. But that doesn’t change the simple fact that if we stay here, we could die tonight. So pack your things, just take what you can carry. _Now_.” Clarke announced, gaining a chorus of approvals. 

“Can somebody help me?” We turned to see Raven limping through from behind the dropship, blood pouring out of a wound on her upper thigh. Finn picked her up, carrying her into the dropship. _Fucking Murphy shot her_. 

“Clarke,” Bellamy caught her arm before she went in, “Leaving here is a mistake.” 

“The decision’s been made.”

“Crowds make bad decisions,” he countered. “Just ask Murphy. Leaders do what they think is right.”

Clarke sighed, “I am.” She left Bellamy standing there and went in to treat Raven. 

~

“You’re not packing?” Bellamy sneaked up behind me, and I hated that he was able to do that so easily. 

“Got nothing to pack,” I shrugged, wincing. 

“Are you angry, for some reason? You’re refusing to look at me and you disappeared almost straight after Clarke’s announcement.” I could hear him coming closer but I didn’t turn around, instead taking a step in the opposite direction. 

I pulled my knife out of the tree, ready to throw it again. “Raven got shot today and it’s my fault. You almost died today and it’s my fault. My dad was right, when I’m around _people die_.”

“Except no one died, I came close, but I didn’t. And none of this is your fault, this was just Murphy wanting revenge.”

“I could’ve killed him. Twice. I came close, but I didn’t. If I had, none of this would’ve happened. I had another knife, if I hadn’t wasted one of them on his hand and just _thrown_ it, I could’ve taken him out. Then Raven wouldn’t be in agony and you wouldn’t have ended up with a _noose_ around your neck.” I tried to throw the knife but my hands were shaking so much it bounced off the tree and hit the ground. I groaned in frustration, making my hands into fists to try and stop them from shaking so damn hard. " _Goddammit!_ "

“If you’d tried and failed, he would’ve killed you, or Jasper. You played your cards right, no one died, and that’s what matters.” 

Anger building up inside of me, tears streaming down my face, I finally turned to face him. “What the _hell_ were you thinking, going in there with him? You could’ve gotten yourself killed! You came pretty damn close! It was stupid… it was reckless… it was… it was…” I looked down to realise my hands were balled up into fists in his shirt as I faced him, pulling it tight— probably the last thing he wanted after having a rope pulled tight around his neck… I shuddered at the image.

Bellamy laughed, but it was hollow, empty and without its usual humour as he finished the sentence for me. “Something you would do?”

Without thinking, I sighed and pulled him into a hug, releasing his shirt and wrapping my arms around his neck. Bellamy’s arms froze in mid-air, unsure of what to do— something that seemed to happen anytime anyone that wasn’t his sister tried to hug him— before they ultimately lowered and hugged me back. “You’re such an idiot, Blake. You can’t keep doing shit like that— we need you.” _I need you_. If it wasn’t for him, I’d still be running on three hours of sleep a week, or dead thanks to that stupid disease Murphy brought with him when he arrived.

“Wow, I didn’t think you cared _that_ much?” He joked.

I rolled my eyes, releasing him from the hug. “ _Of course I don’t_ ,” my voice was laced with sarcasm, “ _I just want what’s best for the camp—_ of course I care you goddamn idiot!” I thumped him in the arm, “What gave it away? The freaking out or the dozen times I’ve saved your life since we landed?” 

“I would _not_ call it a dozen…”

I laughed, rolling my eyes. “Dick. At least time in any other situation, for the love of God _take me with you_. If not for anything other than I’m a much better shot!”

“That’s offensive. I’m offended now,” he took a step back in mock hurt before rolling his eyes. “A better shot? Name one time—” 

I could reel off _three_ , just off the top of my head. “For starters, you were hired to kill someone and you _missed_ , Bellamy. I’d say I’m the better shot.” 

He blinked, caught off guard for a second that I’d used his first name for once, before jumping back in with “I didn’t miss! I just didn’t hit any of his vital organs!” He protested, but I gave him one of his own trademarked Knowing Looks and he sighed.

“Same difference,” I scoffed.

“That’s an oxymoron,” Bellamy pointed out. “Also, screw you, Alyssa.” 

I winked, laughing, “You wish,” before I left him staring with his mouth wide open as I walked back into camp.


	14. We Are Grounders: Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Okay, that is single-handedly the most badass thing I've ever done."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but honestly I fucking love fight scenes.

People were on watch non-stop in anticipation for the Grounder attack. Everyone was packing, and the only people not running around like crazy were Octavia (because she’s level-headed), Clarke, Finn and Bellamy (because they were taking care of Raven), and Raven herself (who literally could not run if she tried). I made my way over to the dropship to remember which tree nearby I had thrown my knife in a few hours ago, and wished I could stay and find. Clarke was right, but she was also wrong. I agreed that we might not find a place as good as this, but if we leave there’s even more of a chance we’d end up dead than if we stayed. It’s no secret the Grounders know the territory better than us, and they’d be able to pick us off one by one no matter where we went. Plus, we have no idea how many Grounders are out there, and if there are more settlements other than the one we’ve dealt with, then we’re pretty much screwed.

When Clarke called out that it was time to leave, I was very reluctant to go. I waited until the last possible minute sitting on my tree with the gun resting between my legs. I was ready to bring up the rear, once everyone else had gone. I watched as Bellamy tossed a bucket of water over the fire to smother it before joining the rest of the group. Octavia was at the front, and Finn and someone else were carrying Raven’s stretcher somewhere in the middle. 

The group was prepared, walking together and looking out for danger. I jogged to the front, fully restocked with all my various knives, to meet Octavia. She held out a hand, stopping the party from continuing and everyone looked around. 

“What is it?” Jasper whispered, raising his gun and looking around. “I don’t see anything.”

My eyes flitted between the trees, trying to catch sight of any movement. Clarke had changed the bandage on my shoulder before we left, and it felt a little less sore even though it hurt to make large movements. As long as I didn’t do anything too fast and too wide with my movements, I should be fine. And _yes_ , there is going to be one hell of a scar.

I heard something whistling towards us, and barely had time to react before the kid standing _directly next to me_ — Drew— got hit in the face with the equivalent of a large throwing star. Jasper wasted no time in his warnings, the moment Drew was down he screamed “GROUNDERS!” And everyone turned around to get back to camp.

Bellamy ushered everyone into the camp, while Jasper stayed lookout on one side of the gate and I stood by the other. “I don’t see anyone!” Jasper called out.

“They’re right behind us!” Octavia replied before I had a chance, bringing up the rear and getting the last few people into camp. Someone carried Drew back, and Bellamy jumped up onto the platform next to me to keep a lookout, Clarke appearing right behind. 

I looked down my gun, trying to see if I could spot anything. “Why aren’t they attacking?”

Clarke’s eyes went wide, “Because we’re doing exactly what they want us to do.” She turned to Finn, “Lincoln said the scouts would be the first to arrive.”

“If it’s just scouts, we can fight our way out.” Octavia suggested, “That’s what Lincoln would do.” 

Bellamy shook his head, “We’re done doing what that Grounder would do. We tried it, and now Drew is dead. Do you want to be next?” 

“That Grounder saved our lives! I agree with Octavia,” Finn cut in. “For all we know, there’s only one scout out there.” 

Jasper turned around from his spot on the other side of the gate, yelling “Yeah, one scout with insanely good aim.” 

“What’s it gonna be, Princess?” Bellamy asked her, looking around. “Go out and get picked off one by one, or stay here and fight?”

She walked up to him, her mouth set in a thin line. “Looks like you’ve got your fight.” 

I jumped off the platform, grabbing another gunner to take my place. 

“Okay then, this is what we’ve been preparing for. Kill them before they kill us. Gunners to your posts, use the tunnels to get in and out. From now on, the gate stays closed.” Bellamy ordered, before turning around to look at me. “Where the hell are you going?” 

“To beat them at their own game,” I smiled, slinging the gun over my shoulder to climb the tree next to the gate. I secured myself in, but not too tightly in case I got hit and needed to make a quick getaway. I adjusted my gun’s position and looked out across the forest. Bellamy looked up at me from underneath by his position next to the gate.

“I hope you know what you’re doing.” 

I rolled my eyes, “Of course I know what I’m doing. I have a gun, I have bullets, and if all else fails I have over a dozen knives on me at this very moment in time.” 

He shook his head, raising his gun again. “Whatever the hell you want, Alyssa.” But I could tell he was trying not to smile. 

~

So we had a plan. It’s not reliable, but it is one. The moment the war drums started, we had to start buying time for Raven to fix the thrusters, our only hope to beat the Grounders. I was up in my tree and covered in mud to blend in with the bark. My eyes were fixed on where the war drums were coming from, and I had barely glanced down at the other gunners below me in an hour. My walkie was clipped to my jacket and I was raring to go. 

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bellamy pick up his walkie and I waited for instructions. “Everybody, listen up. I know you’re afraid, but how you choose to handle that fear is up to you. You can let it break you down, or you can use it to make you stronger. Are we just a bunch of kids from the Ark that weren’t strong enough to survive? Because if we lose today, if we let the fear win, _that_ is what they’ll say about us. But I say _screw fear._ I’m telling my own damn story! What do you say?”

I grinned, raising my good arm and letting out a cheer. “Hell yeah!”

_Let’s kick some Grounder ass._

Gunshots rang out in the clearing, but I didn’t shoot. Not until I’d be able to get a clear shot, or it would be a waste of bullets. “Stop! Stop, hold your fire!” Bellamy called through the radio, “Hold your fire! They’re drawing out our fire so we run out of bullets.” 

Someone else’s voice crackled through the radio, “Those were our last clips. We should— we should fall back.” 

“Like hell we will!” I called back through my own walkie, pulling a face that no one could see. 

“Alyssa’s right,” Bellamy’s voice echoed through the walkies, “If this position falls, they’ll walk right through the front door.” 

I barely recognised half the voices on the radio, and when I could hear people saying ‘I can’t hit any of them!” and “They’re too fast! They’re too fast!” I prayed for our chances of survival. 

I lifted up the walkie-talkie, “Look, if you can’t take the damn shot then don’t waste it! Wait until you’re clear and then try. If they have to get within three feet of you then so be it! No point in firing at ghosts.” The Grounders began to run back and forth, and something triggered an explosion that tore one of them to pieces. It all clicked. “Shit, guys! Wait till they’re attacking and _shoot the landmines_.”

The next Grounder to leave the treeline met an unfortunate end as I timed my shot to go off just as they went past. The explosion threw them into a tree and they didn’t get back up. 

“Here they come!” The Grounders came in a large hoard, rushing towards and over the gates. I picked off a few, but there were too many to handle. On the ground below me, I heard Jones shout Bellamy’s name and I looked down to see him fending off a Grounder who was on top of him. I fired a shot into his attacker at an angle so that it wouldn’t catch him. He pushed the man off from on top of him and looked up towards my tree. I gave him a mock salute, “I got your back, don’t worry.” 

Instead of a thanks, his eyes went wide as he looked at me. “Alyssa, look out!” 

I looked down and spotted a Grounder climbing up my tree. “Hey! Ocupado, buddy!” I didn’t waste a shot but instead turned the gun around and whacked him in the head with it. “This tree is taken!” 

The gates had been broken and there were Grounders everywhere in the camp. The hunters were trying to fend them off using knives and spears, and the guns as bats but we were running out of options. I fired my four final shots, taking down the Grounders closest to the dropship before unstrapping my restraints and hooking them around my waist. I climbed down slightly and held myself in place, jumping the last two feet and landing on top of another Grounder. “Surprise, bitch!” I pulled out a knife and stabbed it into the Grounder’s neck, pulling it back out quickly in time to throw it at a Grounder cornering Harper. _Okay, that was single-handedly the most badass thing I have ever done._

“Harper!” I called out, “Throw the grenade!” 

“What?” 

“Toss it towards the next wave of them, trust me!” If there was any time I’d be able to make an impossible shot, it had to be now. I picked up Jones’ gun from next to where he lay dead and tried to not think about the time he saved my life. I wasn’t even sure how many bullets were in there, but there was at least one since he went down shooting. I aimed just below the grenade and shot, and when the bullet hit it, it exploded with such a force I was thrown backwards slightly. It had managed to catch a lot of the next wave of attacking Grounders, but they were still coming at an alarming rate. 

I smiled slightly, proud of my shooting skills, before tossing the gun on the floor and gasping in pain as something buried itself in my leg. I turned around, pulling out the knife which luckily hadn’t gone in too far. “Okay, _rude_!” I slammed it into the same Grounder who had stabbed me with it and kicked him in the chest for good measure. “You think this was poisoned? Yeah, no me neither.” I said to no one in particular as I ducked just in time to avoid an arrow. 

Another Grounder thrust a spear at me and I dodged it, swapping hands with the knife I was holding quickly as I grabbed the other knife from inside my boot and hurled it towards a different Grounder who had gotten closer to the dropship than any of the others. I turned back towards the Grounder with the spear to find Bellamy standing over her, holding the spear out as more of them advanced. “So… how are things?” I asked as we circled back to back, ready for the next wave. 

“I’m not dead yet, how about you?” 

“I got stabbed, but I’m doing alright.” I shrugged, pulling him out of the way as a spear flew towards us. “Duck!” He tumbled to the floor out the way, rolling over only for another Grounder to appear and try to strangle him. I didn’t have to save him because I spotted Octavia seconds before she planted her sword into the Grounder, pulling him off her brother. 

“Admit it,” she flashed her sword, “You want one.” 

Hell, I _definitely_ want one. 

“There’s too many! Everyone in the dropship now!”

Clarke shook her head, shouting. “Gunners stay at your posts, we need more time! Everyone else get inside!” She looked up and I spotted what she was looking at, there was a bright light coming from the sky, something was coming down into earth’s atmosphere.

“Is that from the Ark?” I asked, backing towards her. 

“That _is_ the Ark.” 

“Holy shit. For the record, we’re doing just fine without the backup though. Just saying.” I grabbed six more knives and strapped them to my body, one of them not even making it past the strapping phase as I hurled it full speed towards an incoming Grounder. She dropped the bow she was carrying and I sighed, but now was not the time to learn how to shoot arrows. Not for me, anyway. 

Someone ran past me, heading for the dropship and I picked up the bow and arrows. “Hey! Go to the second floor and shoot out the massive hole in the side, try not to hit any of our lot, okay?” The girl nodded, terrified, and ran up the ladder.

I heard a weird noise and ran to the wall to figure out what it was, there seemed to be an entirely different battle going on on the other side, with Grounders fighting others who I didn’t recognise. 

An arrow thudded into Octavia and Bellamy grabbed her, carrying her out of the way of the battle. I covered them until they got to the tunnel but after that they were fair game. I threw another two knives and picked up three more from fallen soldiers, but the other opposition on the outside of the wall had gone and the wall was almost completely down. There were more grenades and I tossed one, trying to take down the oncoming hoard. 

“Get to the dropship!” Clarke called, but Bellamy got overpowered by another Grounder. I rushed to his aid as Finn shot the offending Grounder, pulling Bellamy to his feet and handing him a knife. 

There were less than ten of us left outside the ship when the door closed, and I kept on fighting. I had no intention of making it into the dropship either way. The door closed and nothing happened and I prayed that Jasper would get it to work in time. Finn and Bellamy ran for cover to get away from the blaze before it started and I acted like I was behind them, at the last second turning around and running back in. I ran and jumped, landing on another Grounder who I stabbed, pulling the knife back out to throw it at one of the ones trying to bang on the dropship. 

I had five knives left. 

I threw one into a Grounder from a distance, pulling another out as I ducked what would’ve been a headshot from an archer. I tossed another knife to take the archer down, watching him fall and drop his bow. _Three knives_. A Grounder came at me and I ducked, standing back up to slam a blow into her face and a knife in her throat. I pulled out the knife and tossed it at another Grounder. 

The explosion hadn’t happened yet. 

I ran towards what was left of the gates, my heartbeat the only thing I could hear. I ducked behind one of the walls but something grabbed me, putting me in a headlock. I pulled out another knife and stabbed it into their arm before slicing it across their front as I spun around, and again across their neck. They stumbled, and I had to catch my breath before doing anything else. Not too far, a perfect tree. I ran to it, hoping none of the archers had a clear shot as I scrambled up. It should be far enough and high enough away from the dropship when the fire starts, and it gave me a good enough shot to throw a knife at a Grounder who tried to escape on horseback, leaving the horse dragging around a corpse attached to the saddle. _Two knives._

I spotted Bellamy and Finn still running to get out of the way of the coming blaze, a Grounder hot on their heels. I threw the two final knives in quick succession, taking him down just as he caught up. Bellamy looked around, trying to figure out where the help came from before Finn grabbed his arm and shouted at him to take cover. I braced for impact and held my breath, desperately hoping that they were far enough away. “ _May we meet again_ ,” I whispered, giving them a final mock salute. 

The dropship shook as the rockets fired, the inferno they created taking down everything within the camp’s limits and then some. I wiped my forehead with my sleeve and realised it came away sticky with blood. Since that seemed like a problem for another day, and I wasn't entirely sure if it was my blood or not, I checked that I was strapped in properly and closed my eyes. 

When I woke up, the dropship door was open.

_But there was no one there._


End file.
